Funny/Stupid/Random Quotes

Funny/Stupid/Random Quotes
The ORIGINAL quotes page...Enjoy!

IF you have found your way to the Quotes Page because you have Googled yourself, and you would like your last name taken off the things you said when you were 17, don't hesitate to e-mail me (veronicaDOTwelshATgmailDOTcom).

"Hmm, Math 11 Honors. I last took math in 1965." - Mrs. Glynn, our math substitute

Derek Stevens: "I have a hockey tournament upstate this weekend."
Random person: "Where upstate?"
Derek: "Buffalo."
Heather Sweetser: "Isn't Buffalo a state?"

"Doesn't he have 2 younger brothers? Dustin and Storm? Or Weather? Or whatever the hell his name is?" - Kelly Schenker on Jon Liebling

"She sounds like Gilbert Godfried on crack." - Christian Simsuangco on our Italian student teacher

" 'Piacere?' What the hell does that mean??" - Christian, when some random Italian guy introduced himself

"Of course the Chinese are literate, all they have to do is draw pictures! 'Go read a book.' Ok! It's all pictures!!" - Another Christian Simsuangco original

" 'Eh?' What're you, Canadian??" - Stevie Caldarola

"She should be beaten with a veal mallet." - James Volpe on Mrs. Trifiletti

"By 'gay' do you mean dumb, stupid, and I hate you?!" - Tristan McLaren

"He was one of those kids who had imaginary friends because he didn't have any real ones." - Bill Edwards on Mr. Schepanski

Chris Grunenberg is whistling...
Mrs Schwartz: "Oh Chris, you know the French national anthem?!"
Chris: "No, I was singing 'The Ants Go Marching.'"

"My life summed up in one word: Random." - Trent Olson

"Who's eating Entenmann's?!" - Trent, while eating a donut

"Wobbely Wobbely...OH JESUS!" - Trent, while swinging around a meter stick and hitting a lab bench

"Drive by fruiting!" - Trent, after throwing a clementine peel at me (this kid definitely has A.D.D., especially in AP Physics)
NOTE: I later learned that he stole this from Mrs. Doubtfire, so it is not an original.

"This test is the spawn of satan!" - Chelsea, while taking an insane math test

"Having a fever is the only way you'll be considered hot." - Mr. Kane to Amanda Mercep

Jackie's mom invented the miracle mop..
Mr. Kane: "Jackie, where are your notes?"
Jackie Miranne: "I hate taking notes!"
Mr. Kane: "Well, I hate the miracle mop!"

"Nothing more fun than going to school in wet jeans!" - Johnboy, during a torrential downpour

"Yeah, I use my graphing U.S. history." - Alex Belknap

"How come no girls went? What're you, racist?" - George Daskalakis

"How did she get him?! She's gotta put out somehow." - Erica Scandariato on a certain someone

"STOP!!" - Kate Marigliano, to a softball rolling her way

Tristan recently broke his femur & had surgery..
Me: "Katie Mig says feel better."
Tristan McLaren: "Who?"
Me: "Kate Marigliano."
Tristan: "Oh, the amazing softball player?"

"Murr, time moves so slow in this damn place. It's 6:15...3 hours ago it was....3 o'clock." - Tristan, while being doped up on pain killers at the hospital after surgery

"How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they just sit around and cry about it." - Brian Heyman

"What does an emo kid do when he breaks his glasses? Nothing, they weren't real anyway." - Heyman, again

"I don't like European history, I wanna take U.S. There's too many countries in Euro; in U.S. there's just one." - Phil Macaluso

"Hit me with a 2x4 before I wake up and smell the roses!" - Mr Gromatsky, obviously frustrated that my physics class is dumb

"Oh my god! That kid has to stop talking! Somebody, shoot him!" - Kelly Schenker on Bill Dang, who spends his lunch period in our physics class, even though he took the course last year

"They have good shirts but crap music." - Gavin Harte on The Unthinkables

"Picture 14 Guatemalan grape-pickers trying to decipher a Chinese proverb." - Jason Modica on his college finals

"::gasp:: .......Who does that?" - Kelly Schenker (she needs to psych herself up before saying that)

"I'll never grow up, I'll just get older and wrinkly." - Mike Trotta

Joe Volpe: "You have any prospects, woman?"
Amanda Sosulski: "Yes, but I don't know if they will be pursued."
Joe: "Why? They don't live up to the high Amanda standards, eh?"
Amanda: "No, and I obviously don't have standards; I went to the prom with you."

Joe Volpe, at 11:58 PM on Dec 11th: "In 2 minutes I will officially be legal for sex."
Tim O'Reilly: "I know, I'm on a laptop in my car. I'm on my way up to be your first."

While doing some Mad Libs:
Nicole Thomassen: "OK, I need an adjective."
Kelly Shouler: "Driving!!"
Nicole: "That's a verb."
Kelly: "Ohh.."

"Oh c'mon, 'Make overs for Mom?' Who does that? I was expecting 'Lesbian dogs artificially inseminated.' " - My Dad, disappointed in a Ricki Lake episode

Me: "Mom, Tina's dad might be able to get tickets for the Linkin Park concert at Nassau Coliseum!"
Mom: "Where's Lincoln Park?"

"The biggest mistake of my life was saying, 'Let's have another one.' " - My dad, to my younger brother

"All I want for Christmas is to be tall." - My mom, while reaching for a box of pasta

"The cat has diarrhea..and you have dessert." - Daniel S

"Oh, you want something to drink? Give the cat some water." - Dan S 

"Hmm...Marty's Shoe Store...closed...Smithtown Movie Theater...closed...gee, everything was open when Clinton was president." - My dad, the diehard democrat

"When you say 'chillin,' do you mean the ghetto word for 'hanging out,' or the redneck word for 'children?' " - Tom O'Donnell

Me: "Was Santa good to Dane? .. Any new toys?"
Dane Johnsen: "'s inflatable...her name is Sally."

"I want to come back in my next life as Mike Christy." - Johnboy

"It was so cold, my face was actually numb. While I was running, I was saying to myself, 'I really have to love this sport to be doing this.' " - Leah Robbins

"It is safe to say that Introductory Chemistry 107 intellectually raped me." - Joe Volpe

"I don't want to do drugs. Drugs are bad. I get the same effect from standing up fast." - one of the Kortmanns

Me: "Whose pink lip gloss is this?"
Mike Vasek: "Mine!"

"See, a wonderful thing about kisses is that they happen, then they're over. After that, things can go back to the way they were. As opposed to strokes, where you have one, and that's it. Your life is changed forever." - Tom Sartain

"Jared Fagen doesn't know the words to his own f***ing song!!" - Paul Krem,  as Jared messes up during a show

As Lauren Cesiro, Erin Frary, Erica Scandariato, & Greg Santoro are carrying amps & instruments to their cars...
Me: "Why are the girlfriends carrying the equipment??"
Greg: "Yeah, why are we?"

"When my dad goes to concerts, he has to look at other people to know when to clap." - Me

"It's not fair. I can't clap, and music is such an important part of my life." - My Dad

"If that were a saying, it would go on your quotes page." - Tina D'Esposito, as I'm imitating my tone-deaf and clap deficient dad

"If a guy doesn't have black, tasteless chapstick, he's gay. Cherry? Gay! Brendan has a vat of vanilla lip gloss. Fag!" - Paul Krem

"The only thing that changed so far is that now I'll mess up and put 01 on my paper instead of 02." - Jack Logan on the New Year

"HA! You can't see me!" - Chelsea's camouflage shirt

While reciting a rhyme for Spanish..
Mr. Schepanski: "This and these have the T's, that and those, have no toes...have no one knows.."
Graig Superina: "..PICK UP HOES!!"

"Let's put another stop sign on this road." - My dad, while driving down Plymouth Blvd.

Kate uses the word "emphasized" in a sentence..
" 'Emphasized'...whoa too much homework. That word has more than 4 letters." - Kate Marigliano

To the Grinch song..
"You're a mean one, Mr. G.,
To give this test to me.
Well I don't think I will pass it,
Cause I didn't really study, Mr. G,
Just give me a D..."
- Mr Gromatsky's randomness in physics

Every guest on Ricki Lake had a disgusting hair style..
"Who's the hairdresser in this town, and when did he commit suicide?" - My Dad

During a "who's more stupid" fight..
Andy Shamloo: "You're stupid times infinity!"
Steve Siwulec: "You're stupid times infinity plus one!"
Andy: "You can't do that! That's against the rules!
Steve: "Well, you're stupid times infinity times infinity!"
Andy: "You're stupid times infinity squared!"

"I have a new job for you: javelin catcher." - Coach Spivak

"Sometimes I'm afraid of chicken wings cause what if they try to fly away and they fly into my face cause they only have one wing?" - how Jack Logan greets me

"Veronica, what are you doing with a crochet hook and yarn?" - Kate Clasper

"I'm not mean, I'm just sarcastic. I love math...see?" - Alec Berntson, defending himself in math

Alec, reeking of sarcasm: "Oh, I wonder how hard this could be!"
Mrs. Lessard: "Ok Alec, what's the answer?"
Alec, in all seriousness: "Uh...oh...wait...I don't know..."
-Alec Berntson NOT being a smart-alec

"Imagine if Christa Glenn and Nick Kieltyka had kids? They'd be super volleyball babies." - Erika VS 

"Mentally confused and prone to wandering." - Ted Cavooris' shirt

"You're as straight as the 'S' in my name." - Steve Seedorf to Anthony Minnick

"That's the problem with Smithtown. People have to realize that being 'punk' shouldn't be a cool thing. All the pretty girls shouldn't listen to punk rock and all the normal guys shouldn't be in punk bands." - Pete Anselmo

Nelowfar Farooqi: "Dave Thomas died."
Matt Paster: "Wait, who died?"
Mr. Kane: "Well Matt, a lot of people have died over the years.."

"How about you put THAT in your pipe and smoke it!" - Mr. Kane, after stating an important fact

After seeing James Volpe's leather jacket..
Tristan McLaren: "Moooo"
Megann Licata: "Why'd you say that?"
James: "Because leather comes from cows."
Megann: "Really?! No way!!"
Mrs. Riccoboni: "Yeah! And polyester comes from chickens!"

"I wanna say something funny so I can be on your quotes page." - Shelbi Thurau

"My goal by the end of the year is to be on your quotes page." - Bill Palacino

"Veronica, I saw your quotes page and I'm on there three times! I wanna get on there again." - Christian Simsuangco

Me: "Ugh, I hate corporate America and pop culture. Communism would definitely work in America, it would be so much easier."
Erika VS: "Whoa, you're a communist, that's awesome!"

"How do you spell my name??" - Lauren Sosulski, while putting up the letters of her name on the record board for the 4x200

"Guys, if I didn't complain, I would have nothing to talk about." - Eliza Lipp

Some Chinese druggie on my bus (spelled phonetically): "De cop, he search me, fo drugs, and when he touch my ciga-wettes, I say, "F--- oo! Dun touch my ciga-wettes!"
Me: "No you didn't, who are you kidding?? You would pee in your pants if a cop searched you!"

Coach Brian Willman: "You should peak the first week of the season and improve your time from there."
Dan Kant: "How do you peak and THEN improve your time?!?!"

"I WOULD JUST LIKE EVERYONE TO KNOW THAT MY UNDERWEAR IS ON INSIDE-OUT!!!!" - Lisa Colavito, screaming at the top of her lungs in the locker room

After discussing the Chinese-American airplane conflict..
Christina D'Esposito: "Veronica, run for president."
Me: "I'd love to, but I'm too lazy, too much work."
Christina: "I can see you in like a press conference... a reporter asks you a question and you go 'What're you dumb??' "

Dane Johnsen works at King Kullen in Huntington...this was his away message before a potential snow storm..
Auto response from PEZBOY316: You know why works gonna suck today!? Cause people like YOU think we are getting some big storm and its really nothing..So your gonna rush in and grab all the groceries you can get your hands on..Thanks a lot...Leave one

Me: "Dad, even though Giuliani is a republican, would you have voted for him?"
Dad (diehard democrat): "Yeah, I think so, I'm not mad at the republicans for the Nixon thing anymore. It's been over 25 years, but I think I'm over it."

"Wow, he's cute for a cartoon...did I just say that out loud??" - Deidre Muro, while watching Sleeping Beauty

"If something takes longer than 5 seconds to do, then it's not worth doing. Are you gonna quote me on that?" - Tim Murphy

Trent Olson: "I smell good."
Paul Krivosta: "Who says that? Are you a woman?"

Justin Kellerman: "Maybe you should like get fat, wear like two tons of makeup, do drugs, drink alcohol, wear skimpy clothes, and give head. Then you'll get guys."
Me: "I'd rather stay a virgin the rest of my life."

After talking with Joe Pinero, Kevin Henchey, Adam Leonard, and Rob Strzelec at Starbucks for a bit, Erika VS passes me this note:
"I, Erika VS, hereby apologize to you, VW, for any bad remarks I have said about the character of Joe Pinero, Adam Leonard, or anyone that I thought was an asshole who really wasn't. ::Erika's Signature::"

"They actually recruit them by going to the Guide Dog Foundation and waiting for people to walk in." - James Volpe on baseball umpires

Me: "Did you get anything [on the physics homework]?"
Jeff Kanter: "V, I think I might be retarded."

Background info: some very fat Hauppauge girls driveby-flashed a group of us standing outside of Starbuck's as we're deciding to go bowling.
After the same girls threw a snow ball at us..
Tim Murphy: "I liked it much better when they flashed us."

As we're leaving to go bowling..
Tim, again: "I'm not bowling until I see some more tits."

After telling a very stupid joke..
Me: "Way to be corny."
Adam Sherrard: "Way to be the untouchable virgin."

Some girl is holding a dozen roses and at least 3 balloons that say "Happy Sweet 16!"
Kelly Schenker: "I think it's that girl's birthday."

James Volpe: "What did you have [for dinner]?"
Christina D'Esposito: "Chile...chili...I don't know how to spell it."
James: "Going by your initial answer, you ate a small 3rd-world country for dinner."

After seeing Britney Spears on TV..
Johnboyh: "Oh my god! Go stand on a street corner you slut!.. And wait for me .."

Pete "Poop" Mihalick is Meghann Slattery's boyfriend, and he is in Pennsylvania on vacation..
At the County Champs track meet..
Michael Vasek: "Meghann, where's Poop?"
Meghann: "He's in Pennsylvania."
Amanda Pisano: "What, he couldn't drive the 5 hours here to watch you for 4 minutes and drive the 5 hours back??"
Kathy Seifert: "I think you should break up with him."

We're talking about course selection for next year..
Tristan McLaren: "The relationship course is an easy A."
James Volpe: "Not for you it is!!!"
::Erika VS (Tristan's girlfriend), Tina D'Esposito, and I laugh until we cry::

On the late bus, sometime in February...
Kate Marigliano: "Today seemed so long. Don't the days this week feel longer?"
Me: "Yeah, there's been more light."
Kate: "Really??"
Brian Liebert: "Yeah, daylight savings time."
Kate: "Ok, what happens with that?"
Brian: "You turn the clocks ahead."
Kate: "Really?? Already?? I forgot about that!"
::Awkward silence, as I'm holding in laughter::
Brian: "Ummm no."
Kate: "OH MY GOD! I would've gone home and switched all the clocks!! I would've said, 'Mom, it's daylight savings' and she would've helped me! And then my dad would've come home and called us idiots..."

Uncontrollable laughter is heard in the back of the Italian classroom...
Substitute teacher: "Hey, what's going on back there?"
Christian Simsuangco, jokingly: "Yeah, these kids are making fun of you. Behind your back, not even to your face. Cowards."
Sub: "OK, make sure you get them in the parking lot later."

"Prison's a funny system. You take crazy people, put them in jail where the only thing they can do is work out, and then they come out BIG crazy people." - Tom O'Donnell

"I check it's more entertaining than" - Matt Nissenbaum on the quotes page

At the Boys' County Champs track meet..the biggest meet of the season
Jon Tue: "Hey V, do you know what time it is?"
Me: "Um...7:10."
Coach Dan Holtzman: "I'm missing Friends!!!"

Again at the County meet..Billy Gilmartin walks by..
Meghan Garrity: "Wow, that redhead is really hot."
Jessy Deluca and Nicole Iacono: "Yeah."
::Billy & I exchange hellos::
All 3: "OH MY GOD?! You know him!!! Get him over here!!"

Brian Retus' away message:
Auto response from Fan4BVS: *hay babez! i can't talk rite now im dcy in my gtre! lol jk jk well i gg ttyl iihjy! 143 667 23710 2837469021045 896378476!*
luv brian!

"If only being a sarcastic cynicist was a job description, I'd be rich beyond belief." - Tristan McLaren

In the driver's ed car..
Radio Commercial: "Do you feel you're only half the man you used to be? Are you overweight? Have you lost your sex drive?"
Dan McCarthy: "Yes!"

"...what's his name? Rob Strzruewdsaf94u329?" - Omar Omar on Rob Strzelec

"I heard your first name is 'Nicolina' that Russian?" - Beau Randall to Mrs. Schwartz

On the topic of the dollar in physics..
Ian Schlakman: "You can make a 20 minute phone call for 99 cents!"
Joe Leocata: "And then you'll have a penny left over!"
Me: "You can buy a 1/4 piece of bazooka!"
Alex Drelick: "And 800 shares of Enron! HA! Take that Enron! You stupid Texans.."

After a lull in the conversation..
Tristan McLaren: "Ever wanna go around and chloroform people you don't like?"
Me: "Thank you for being random."
Tristan: "It'd be fun 'Hey, wanna smell my new cologne?...Hahaha it's chloroform sucker.' "

While driving down 347..
"Service Merchandise is closing, Toys R Us just went bankrupt, and no one misses Clinton." - My Dad, still the hardcore democrat

At the Smithtown Vs. St. Anthony's ice hockey game..
Doug Butera, to the St. A's goalie: "Hey, #33!! You blow like I blow your mom!"
Chris LeGoff: "Doug, shut up, you are making everyone else around you dumber by talking."

Johnboy: "How do you pronounce the Russian names?"
My Dad: "Take 3 or 4 pieces of gum, shove them down your throat, and talk. See what happens."

"My glasses are dirtier than 4 Mexicans in a U-Haul." - Johnboy 

Me: "Ciao."
Tim Murphy: "I have no idea what that means."
Me: "Either 'hello' or 'good bye' in this context it means hello, like 'aloha' in Hawaiian."
Tim: "Whoa whoa whoa, why would anyone ever make a word that means both hello and goodbye?"
Me: "I have no idea."
Tim: "It leads to such an awkward situation though, people don't know if you're coming or going."

Christina D'Esposito: "Aren't license plates supposed to say what state you're from?...Since when is Washington, D.C. a state?"

Kelly Schenker: "Tristan, I heard you're getting your cast off soon."
Tristan McLaren: "Yup."
Kelly: "When?"
Tristan: "About 8 hours ago."

John: "Is Matthew Broderick gay?"
My mom: "No, isn't he married to Sarah Jessica Parker?"
My dad: "That would make him gay."

Annoying neighbor: "Hey Jim! Hey Veronica!"
Me: "Dad, run away."
Dad: "You're so unsociable."
Me: "Hey, I'm sicilian."
Dad: "You shouldn't be proud of that."
Me: "Don't worry, I'm more proud of the irish side."
Dad: "That's because your friends are irish...Gavin, Tristan..."
Me: "Dad, Tristan's scottish."
Dad: "Oh that's just cheap irish."

"How could Tristan say 'yay?' He's 6'2" and plays football. It doesn't go." - Greg D'Esposito

"I'd love to go, and the tickets are $59! I'd sell myself into prostitution to go to that show!" - Chelsea on the Blink182/Green Day/Saves the Day/Jimmy Eat World show

Me: "What happened to your wrist?"
Chelsea Rud: "Yeah, I 'tore some ligaments' in my thumb. The doctors just needed to say something when I said, 'OW, my finger hurts.' "

Michael Vasek's away message:
Auto response from BoondogglerXC (10:54:56 PM): Rub-a-dub-dub, 17 men in a tub. Who do you think they be?-shoot, there goes my secret

"These sports are not an accurate display of my athleticism!!!" - Erika VS, after playing frisbee and softball and not being good at them (sorry Eri)

"I bombed that test like Hiroshima." - Erika after a monster AP U.S. History test

Me: "I wish I was a guy, it would be so much easier."
Tom Rovere: "I wish I were a girl so I wouldn't be made fun of when I dressed up in girls' clothes. I mean uhhhhh nevermind."

"How come in Cinderella he can't remember her by her face? I think it's cause he was looking at her chest the whole time." - Ronnie 

As he's carrying my brother's guitar amp downstairs...
"Don't worry, my cardiologist said to carry heavy items for long distances." - My Dad, who has terrible heart problems

After coming back from the bathroom...
"That might've been the highlight of my day." - Ronniel

Kevin Kaleita: "Do me a fav?"
Me: "Sure."
Kev: "Magically make beer appear in my, I want pizza, too."

In a chat room..
Tristan: "I play with transformers."
Random girl: "What's a transformer?"
Tristan and I: "WHAT?!?"

After waking up from a nap in Spanish..
"Wow! People are actually doing work! How cute!" - Alicia Randazzo

Trent Olson: "Keane, you're such a burnout."
Brian Keane: "Hey, it's not my fault."
Trent: "What??"
Brian: "Yeah, it's the evils of society."

"OK, you guys need the formulas. Let me get out my cue cards..::pulls some papers from his pocket::...hmmm, Shirley..265---." - Mr. Gromatsky

As I'm doing some homework..
Brian Keane: "What book is that?"
Me: "Brian, it's our math textbook.
Brian: "Oh, I've never seen the inside of it before."

"Business in the front, party in the back. That's what a mullet is." - Ian Kanakaris

" 'Boston Vs. New York' .. and everybody's from the Dominican Republic." - My Dad, complaining about the MLB

Holding up a Spanish magazine..
"It's not really a magazine, it's more like .. a .. magazine." - Mr. Schepanski

Phone in classroom rings..
Me: "Answer it funny, like 'Heaven, God speaking.' "
Schepanski answers the phone: "Pronto, soy Dios." ("Hello, this is God.")
Bill Edwards: "Wow, I didn't know God was so gay."

"My goal in life is to turn a gay man straight." - Sarah Neumeyer

The normally quiet Ted Cavooris makes a funny comment..
Farhat Jilalbhoy: "I like it when Ted talks!!"

"He's book smart, but he's as street smart as a cow." - Kathy Seifert on Brian Keane and his burnt-out ways

"Second string is looking like they will see nothing more than the bench." - Jamie Giffuni on the varsity lax team

Tristan hops to the other side of my living room (he still has the brace on his leg)..
Me: "Tristan, what the hell are you doing?"
Tristan: "I have to fart, I didn't want the couch vibrating."
::let's out huge fart::
All: "OH GOD! Tristan!!"

"He's like McGuyver, he could make a bomb out of a q-tip and a sausage." - Mike Long while watching Home Alone 2

"We sure beat the pants off those 11-year-olds." - Dan Garrity after he and Tim Murphy won the 1-mile Family Fun Run

"The republicans knew they had no chance of winning. That's why they ran a guy named Alf." - Mr. Kane on the 1936 presidential election

If you get an A on a math test, Mrs. Lessard puts a sticker on your test..
"Mrs. Lessard! My sticker fell off! Can I have another one?!" - Chelsea

While looking at a painting of a man by El Greco..
Graig Superina: "There's 6 fingers on that guy."
Ashley Grzetic: "There's 5 you ass."

Bill Palacino is Kate's boyfriend..
Amanda Pisano, to a group of track girls: "Guys go get changed. We have to start practice early, there's a lax game on the field at 3:30."
Kate Marigliano: "I KNOW! Billy's playing!!!! I'm so excited!!"

At the coffeehouse "Xando Cosi" in Huntington Village..
Waitress: "Hi, what can I get you?"
Brett Chereskin: "Um, can I get a cup of something interesting?"

In gym class..
"Hey, look Welsh, my legs are skinnier than yours." - Jared Hopkins

"Way to not update the quotes page in a hundred years! Are people just not saying funny things these days??" - Jen Frey

Beau, out of nowhere: "If you were a hot dog, and you were starving, would you eat yourself?"
Chris Grunenberg: "OH MY GOD! Beau you are so stupid, just stop talking! Your stupidity hurts me!"

"Just because she buys Abercrombie sweaters in the ugly green does not make her punk!" - Jen Frey

While playing softball, Dan Kant was trash-talking to Nick Olenczuk, who is going to the prom with Jamie Giffuni...
some of the comments:
To Nick: "She was drunk when you asked her!"
To Jamie: "You're going to the prom with THAT? Everyone's gonna laugh at you when you walk in with him."
To Nick: "Nick, she's just going to the prom with you so she could go to the after party...that you're not invited to..."

Mike Long, Bill Shea, Christina D'Esposito, and I went bowling, and we were expecting more people to come. When it was decided that it was going to be just the 4 of us..
Mike Long: "OK, it'll be a double date. Me and Bill, and you two."

Me: "My parents hate church as much as I's because of St. Pat's."
Erika VS: "Ahhh St. Pat's, they're like MTV...they turned Roman Catholicism into mainstream pop."

My Aunt's cat walks under the dining room table..
My Dad: "Isn't she beautiful?"
Me: "Dad, it's a 'he'."
Dad: "No it's not, cats are 'shes' and dogs are 'hes.' That's the way God made them."

"You know something's wrong when you have more people between the ages of 10 and 13 talking to you online than your own friends..." - Christina D'Esposito

"Me and Kelly are catching the next flight to florida "accidentally"... wanna come?" - Tina, again

Tina: "I got a graphing calculator for easter, Greg (her brother) got a cell phone. I got a "need", Greg got a "want." Not fair!"
Erika VSi: "Tina, a "want" for you is a car....I don't think that will fit in the easter basket."

Coach Maura Stouter is approx. 1000 lbs..
Me: "$10 just about fills my tank of gas...woo hoo Escort!"
Erika: "The Jeep eats gas like Stouter eats snickers."

As we're watching the Met game..
"Bobby Valentine is a good-looking older guido." - My mom

In a chat room..
Tristan: "[Girl], a/s/l?"
Girl: "15/f/ny"
Tristan: "Where in NY?"
Girl: "Orange County."
Tristan: "We have an Orange County?"

Leah Robbins is holding a bracelet made of embroidery floss that is half-finished..
Leah: "Sarah Hartman, Laura Lipp, and I are going to go into a business. We're going to make and sell these."
Me: "I did that when I was in 5th grade."
Leah: "Yeah, well, we're in 10th grade..."

After a hard workout a bunch of track girls are laying down in the commons..
Emilie Pembroke: "Ugh, I have to go to a singing thing today for 2 hours."
Jessy DeLuca: "What time?"
Emilie: "2-5."
Jessy: "That's 3 hours."
Emilie: "Oh god..."

Peter Aronoff ran winter track, but he chose to play badminton over spring track..
Me: "Hey Pete, how've you been?"
Pete: "Much better now that I'm not on track! HA HA HA! Oh, I mean..I miss it.."

During a lull in the conversation; the "..." are different i.m.s
Greg D'Esposito: "hahahahahhahaa...I just sprayed lysol in my eyes..."causes eye irritation"... The cap fell off and I was putting back on and it sprayed ... I can't see."

"Riding a scooter is like going out with an ugly girl, it's really cool until your friends see you." - Ryan Pulito

During a crazy speed workout..
Coach Spivak: "As Steve Prefontaine said, 'Pain is weakness leaving the body.' "
Kathy Seifert: "We must be really weak."

Mrs. Marigliano, Kate, and I are talking about learning how to drive..
Kate: "I don't think my mom wants to teach me how to drive."
Mrs. Mig: "Yeah, Kate and I love each other, but let's not ruin a good thing."

Dad:"I don't think your pants are tight enough."
Me: "DAD!!!"
Dad: "What?! You have a quarter in your back pocket and I can read the date from here."

Driving back from Robert Moses, looking at the houses on the beach..
Dad: "These houses are beautiful."
Me: "Yeah, I should marry a lawyer and live out here."
Dad: "Ooo, can I live with you? I'll bring Brook (my dog)!"

Me: "Tina and I are contemplating dropping out of school and selling ourselves into prostitution."
Mike Long: "I tried it, business was slow, that's why I went back to school and started working at Waldbaum's."
Jeff Kanter: "Can I pimp you guys out?"
Chris LeGoff: "Good luck, use protection."

After learning the French words for 'sheep' and 'lamb'..
Random person: "What's the difference between a sheep and a lamb?"
Derek Stevens: "One's a guy and one's a girl."

Talking about Napoleon and his Arc de Triumphe in Paris..
Random Beau Randall: "Napoleon had the smallest penis ever recorded."

Leah Robbins being dumb...'nuff said
LilLeah516 [9:35 PM]: is it true that the difference between a sheep and a lamb are male and female?? he was just joking right???

"That was worse than being out of Kool-Aid." - Ryan McNamara on a monster physics test

"I swear, if I were a chick I'd bang me." - Mike Randazzo

After gave us terrible directions to our Hotel in Boston, my dad pulls the car over to pull out a map, and a construction worker comes over and knocks on the window..
Man, chuckling: "Hey, you look lost."
Dad: "Yeah, can you help us?"
Man: "No, I'm deaf."
After the man walks away..
Dad: "He just wanted to see me admit we're idiots."

After pulling up to a broken gas pump in Boston..
Dad: "So I went inside and said to the man, '$20 on pump 7.' He says, 'Pump 7 isn't working.' Now, don't you think they should've marked it?"
All of us: "Yeah."
Dad: "Well, they did. I hit the cone. I came out of the place and it's under the fender. Thank god it wasn't a dog."

Tristan: "Do you think if Hitler killed gays instead of jews he would've been more well-liked?"
Tom Mander: "I know I would've worshiped him."

"Hey, Tina, I don't have a prom date you think your mom would want to go with me?" - Mandler

"If you procrastinated and you know it clap your hands; if you have a ton of homework clap your hands; if you wanna kill your teachers and throw your textbooks off the bleachers, if you hate school and you know it clap your hands!" - classic Marisa


"Boy, am I in the wrong business." - my Dad, after he read an article about drug dealers who had 20lbs of pot and $18,000 cash in their car

There was an assembly about foreign languages and their advantages in the work-place
Mrs. Carey: "Now, here's Mrs. [Whatever] from the North Fork Bank."
M.A.: "Is that the Dime bank?"
Jen Robinson: "No, it's the NORTH FORK BANK."

"Ryan, when you get the baton, wait up for me." - Commack's Kyle Fiasconaro to Ward Melville's Ryan DeLuca as they get ready to anchor their respective 4x800 relays

Trent & I are talking about our track meets in Physics..
Me: "We have to face Chinny today, she's going to Stanford."
Trent, talking about Ryan DeLuca: "We're facing Kansas."
Me: "You mean Kentucky?"
Trent: "Uhh yeah..wait..Kansas & Kentucky are 2 separate states, right?"
Me: "Trent...."
Trent: "Is Kansas a state?? I'm so confused!!"

Talking about nationalities..
Kelly Schenker: "I'm irish and italian."
Tristan: "I'm scottish."
Clara Tow, obviously Chinese: "I'm russian."
Tristan: "Really??"

...later on the same topic
Kelly: "My dad is jewish."
Trent: "He's gotta be hairy, right?"
Stevie Caldarola: "Now that's not a stereotype."

Leah Robbins, who I've known for over 2 years: "I just figured out why you're called 'Bug'."
Distance Crew: "LEAH!!"
Leah: "Yeah!! I always knew you were called that, but I never knew why!"
All: "LEAH!!"
Leah: "Yeah! I saw a Volkswagen the other day and I said 'VW Bug' and I realized it!!"

Talking about college and graduating..
Leah, talking to Nicole Thomassen: "I'm so old, when I'm in my 3rd year of college,'ll be out of college."
Nicole: "Thanks Leah..."

Driving home after a nutty night in Northport...Lauren Sosulski hooked up with retard while she was drunk, and Kelly Schenker kissed someone who was already taken..
Me: "What did we do tonight?! Who am I kidding, I don't set people up!!"
Kelly: "Who am I kidding, I don't kiss other people's boyfriends!!"
Lauren, from the backseat, drunk off her ass: "I kissed the stupid kid..."

Again in the car..
Lauren: "Wait, who was that kid?"
All: "Neil Brown."
5 minutes later..
Lauren, in all seriousness: "What was his name? Neil Diamond?"

Lauren, stillll drunk: "I kissed the ugly one..."
Me: "Lauren, he was the stupid one."
Lauren: "Oh, right."

Greg Elinas was being annoying in French..
Chelsea Rud: "Ahhh somebody bite him." 

My name is printed clearly on an italian assignment I got an 'A' on..
what Mrs. Trif writes RIGHT ABOVE MY NAME: "Nice job, Vanessa!!"

Trif, 5 minutes after I corrected her, in all seriousness: "Vanessa, could you come her for a sec.?"

In French..
Me, to Laila Medhi: "Oh happy birthday! Who gave you those flowers?"
Laila: "My friends."
Lisa Madarasz, less than a minute later: "Did your boyfriend give you those?!!?"
All: "Lisa...."

Scott Rosner's shirt, making fun of Abercrombie & Fitch: "Grababootie and Pinch."

"I'm not dancing at prom." - Ronnie after dancing with his Special Olympics. athlete for 4 hours

At our track meet..
Lauren Sosulski: "Oh, who's over there?"
Me: "Ronniel and Bill Shea."
Lauren: "Wait, Bill's here? Where's Alex?"
Me: "I dunno."
Lauren: "What? He's not on the leash? No collar? No electric fence? Wow."

My dad, referring to the "tight pants" already mentioned on this page..
"Kathleen (my cousin) called, she wants Miranda's (her daughter, age 6) pants back by tonight. Jesus those are the smallest pants I've seen on anyone."

"Veronica, don't drink any ecstasy the night of the prom." - my Dad
::my brother and I laugh hysterically laugh for about 10 minutes::
Dad, again: "Is that gonna make your quotes page?"

Me: "Ew, why is [he] going out with her. Isn't he supposedly a 'punk' and isn't she a cheerleader?"
John: "Yeah, but she's got a rack the size of your car, so I'd go out with her."

Beau and Greg are being stupid in French class again..
Random person: "Oh sweet Jesus, Mary, and Joseph."
Beau: "Who's Joseph? I already know Mary and Jesus."

"What's the point of capri pants? It's like 'Oh it's warm out, thank god my ankles are cool'." - John

Me, while eating corn on the cob: "Why is corn so good?"
Dad: "The corn is not good, it's the butter. Corn is just a vehicle for the butter, like lobster."

Talking about a loser we know..
Me: "Does he have 2 dads??"
Lauren Sosulski: "How can you be that gay??"
Tom Rovere: "Yeah, oh god, he's so flaming."

It smells of burning leaves during driver's ed..
Jackie Epple: "Ew, what smells?"
Mr. Caskey, as casual as can be: "The woods are on fire. Ok, your video today is on road rage...."

French substitute: "I used to teach here, now I live in Florida."
Lisa Madarasz: "You came all the way up here to teach for one day!!?"
Lauren Scripture: "Yes Lisa, she came just to teach your class."

"When you guys are bored at the next family outing I won't be, I can roll nickels down my legs!" - John, as he's holding up a pair of corduroys

"I get to spend the whole day with her, and maybe I'll get some openings on the quotes page! Woo hoo!" - Jen Frey to Erika VS during the AP Conference

Tom O'Donnell: "Beau is Welsh."
Me: "Is he really?"
Tom: "Yeah, kinda like a Welsh Crossbow."
:: we all laugh ::
Tom: "Wow, he's a Welsh Cross-Beau. That'd be kinda fun to shoot him actually."

Some kid: "The lacrosse players are clique-ish."
John: "Yeah, with their one-strapped backpacks and visors and khacki shorts and Jesus sandals all year round."

As we're eating dinner outside..
Mom: "Oh look, a cardinal! How pretty."
Me: "Yeah, a male cardinal."
Dad: "How did you know that?"
Me: "Male birds are always prettier...cardinals, blue jays, sparrows, anything."
Dad: "Oh, kinda like human beings, right?"

Marcia Holst is wearing her uniform shorts to demonstrate team spirit..
"Marcia, I really like your shorts, where did you get them??" - Courtney Liebling

Talking about the Tour de France..
Derek Stevens: "Who's the guy who won it like 8 years in a row? Neil Armstrong?"
Class: "YOU'RE AN IDIOT, it was Lance."

20 minutes later, out of nowhere...
Derek: "Ohhhh, his name was Lance, wasn't it??"

Me: "The bocce ball tournament better not be canceled due to rain today."
John: "Couldn't they just hold it indoors?"
Me: "No, the gyms are being used...cheerleading tryouts."
John: "Mmmm fat girls in skimpy clothes."

"Is 'mitten' spelled the same way as 'badminton' only without the 'bad'?" - Derek Stevens

"I want Tom Rovere hair...old Tom Rovere hair, pre-mullet." - John

BC: "States for track is going to be fun."
Me: "I hope you get roomed with cool people."
Britt: "Me, Terry Ross, Andy Drost."
Me: "Awesome."
Britt: "Yeah except they ruin the whole cool people part."

"Boxcar Racer...either they really hate Mark Hoppus or he just plain sucks at the bass." - John

"The end of the universe is when George Bush gets elected again." - Tristan (surprisingly not my dad!)

Tim B says something stupid on the bus..
Justin Mayer: "TIM SHUT THE [explicative] UP!"
Tim: "JUSTIN...if you weren't bigger than me I'd talk back to you."

John: "What do the ACTs stand for?"
Ryan McNamara: "I'm not sure, the Alifornia Cachievement Tests?"

Mr. Kane: "Women make 75% of what men make."
Matt Paster: "Except for Miranne's mom."
Kane: "If a man made the Magic Mop he'd be making 25% more."
Jackie Miranne: "Mr. Kane, are you making fun of my mom?!"
Kane: "No, just your gender."

about 5 minutes later...
Kane: "Miranne, where's your textbook?? If you don't bring it in that's $68.50!"
Jackie: "Mr. Kane that's so expensive!"
Matt: "Jackie, your mom makes that in like 10 seconds."
Kane: "Yeah, and if she were a man, she'd be making 25% more in 10 seconds."

Jackie had to make a presentation in physics 8th period, and in US we had a free period...
Jackie: "Can I do my presentation?? I need the practice."
Random people from the class: "NO!"..."Oh c'mon Jackie that's so boring!"..."Ew no more physics!"
Kane: "Yes you can; this might be funny."

While watching TV with my dad & bro, an Army commercial comes on..
Me: "Brett Chereskin is going to West Point...the Military Academy."
John: "Is he gay?"
Me: "NO!!!"
Dad: "No, gays go to the Navy."
Me: "No way!! I know people at Annapolis!!"
Dad: "C'mon, he likes to wear white, he must be gay."
John: "He's gotta wear those bell-bottoms too."
Dad: "Fine, he might not've gone in gay, but he'll come out gay."

At the Softball Managers' Meeting...
Dan: "OK, what days would we be playing? We can't play Thursdays."
Guy: "If you're in the college league it will be Tues/Thurs, if you're in the teen league it will be Mon/Wed."
Dan: "OK, we only have 5 people going to college next year, which league should we go into? Teen?"
Guy: "College will be Mon/Wed, Teen will be Tues/Thurs."
Dan: "Umm you just said the opposite. Wait, what league will we be in??"
Guy: "College will be Mon/Wed, Teen will be Tues/Thurs."
Dan: "WE HAVE 5 PEOPLE GOING TO COLLEGE, what league should we be in??"
Guy: "Teen."
Dan: "We just said we can't play on Thursdays."
Guy: "Right."
Dan turns to Gav & me..."That guy's retarded."

Last day of US History, Mr Kane is teaching us some pro golf history...keep in mind that Sarah Eldridge is sitting next to Bill Shea...
Mr Kane: "[blahblahblah] Fuzzy Zoeller...real name Francis Urban Zoeller."
Bill: "How did you know that??"
Kane: "Well, his mom didn't name him's a nickname Bill."
Bill: "Haha yeah I know that, like Tiger Woods. What's his real name? Like Earl or something?"
Kane: "Eldridge."
Bill: "I'd kill myself if my name was Eldridge." ::turns bright red and stares at Sarah in horror....class laughs for approx 10 minutes, Kane sheds tears::
Bill, to Sarah: "I'm kidding, I like your last name..don't kill yourself."

In Math..
Mrs. Lessard: "You cannot cancel coefficients under the radical!"
Alec Berntson: "Yeah my brother tried doing that once and I almost smacked him."
Bill Shea: "What?? Your brother? Do you have like family math nights? 'OK, it's simplify the radical time!' "

Bill Edwards on Ms. Antoniazzi (the history teacher with the British-like accent): "The whole year I tried to find out where she was from, but I couldn't get a straight answer out of her....she's probably wanted by the FBI, why else would a European teach US history?"

Ron Doda, a little tipsy: "You playin beer pong tonight?"
Me: "No, I'm driving, and I don't drink anyway."
Ron: "Oh, ok...did you go to Smithtown too?"
Me: "Umm I still go to Smithtown, I'm a junior. I'm in Lauren Sosulski's grade."
Amanda Sosulski: "Yeah they're the grade that never seems to graduate high school."

My brother's away message:
Auto response from So Impossible287: the time of no school...where the weekday mornings consist of watching the price is right on the couch eating cocoa puffs....and how brunch, where you eat breakfast foods at lunchtime, is called "summer"

Evan Sommer: "Pete did you get a haircut?"
Pete Mihalick: "Yeah, wow Evan you're good."
Evan: "You look like Hank Parkinson."
Pete: "Ooo, the flat-top!"

Driving to Brentwood with my dad for my road test, I'm practically vomiting because I'm so nervous ...
Dad: "V, don't worry about it. These people give tests all day long, and they're used to seeing slutty Chinese girls in suped up Camaros."

"How old is John now 15? ......For 13 years we have been using the same hairbrush, and you and mommy have like 8 above the toilet in the bathroom...what is that??" - my Dad

"Did you see Sharon Osbourne's new video? 'Papa's Not a Preacher'?" - Brian Retus

While watching CNN, they are talking about Bush's colonoscopy..
My Dad: "Why the hell are we talking about Bush's ass???"

I'm on the computer in the back hall, Dad is in the kitchen watching TV..
Dad: "V, which one is the white MTV?"
Me: "What??"
Dad: "The white MTV, which channel is it?"
Me: "You mean MTV2? Channel 69."
Dad: "OK thanks. See, look it's Incubus on MTV2; now let's check MTV... Eww Lil' Kim....see what I mean??"

"I pity those fools who do not thoroughly procrastinate - they never give their ideas time to germinate. You see, a smart man never really "puts something off." What he does is he starts slow-brewing his coffee early in the morning so he can drink it at noon." - Paul Krem

Paul Krem, after viewing the quotes page for the first time..
MaverickTheory (6:12:14 PM): heres a good ending quote
MaverickTheory (6:12:30 PM): "veronica, take me off the fucking quote page."
MaverickTheory (6:12:41 PM): it's a blatant falsitude, since i live for small time fame

"OK, picture me walking a HUGE dog, the 2nd time ever I'm walking a dog. This large black lady is sitting at her house and yells, 'Skinny little white girl, can't walk a dog. Hunny, that dog is walking you!' And then she does that laugh that they do. I was kinda scared." - Kelly Schenker

Ronnie: "Ugliest man in the world: Ronaldo from team Brazil."
Me: "Very agreed."
Ronnie: "What's with the hair?"
Me: "I think you should wear your hair like that."
Ronnie: "Let's shave the back of my head so people looking straight at me dont know that I'm really really bald. It's either 'Let's have 6ft long hair that I trip over in a ponytail, let's have 6 foot high hair to catch the ball in, or let's shave crazy shapes into our heads'."
Me: "Seriously, soccer players are definitely not straight."
Ronnie: "Not even close. On the sine curve, they're at the top, straying from the 'normal'."

Ronnie's dog is blind, so it walks into walls, furniture, and the pool often..
Me: "Why don't you put the dog to sleep? My dad put the dog to sleep when it was deaf."
Ronnie: "WHY?"
Kelly Schenker: "Because it couldn't hear anymore."

Kelly: "I want to rent Superstar."
Ronnie: "I'd shoot myself if we watched that."
Kelly: "Good, gives us more reason to rent it."

Tina D'Esposito & her family are going to St. Louis for a baseball tourney later in the summer, and we were talking about how they're going to see the Arch..
Ronnie: "It won't be there after tomorrow [July 4th]. The terrorists are going to blow up everything."
Me: "No they're not, stop being so pessimistic."
Ronnie: "Yes they are, they're going to blow up Mt. Rushmore too."
Tina: "How can they blow that up? Wait, I'm thinking of something else...::awkward silence::...oh my god, I was thinking Niagara Falls."
Everyone else: "Jesus Tina..."

Justin Mayer: "I'm grounded."
Kelly Schenker: "Why?"
Justin, as casual as can be: "I got arrested."
Tristan: "Quotes page."

Me: "Hi Sean...I've met you before."
Sean Quigley: "Yeah you're VDubbs."
Me: "Yeah."
Sean: "Yeah that's kinda weird...'VDubbs'."
Me: "Sean it's a nickname."
Sean: "Whoa it is?? I thought it was your last name."

Kelly Schenker: "Where should I play?"
Bill Shea: "The line."
Kelly: "Which one?"
Bill: "The double yellow the middle of the street."

While being thoroughly annoyed by 2 girls and 2 boys, all 10 years old, at the Hershey Lodge...
Boy, to his sister: "What're you doing, don't sit like that, close your legs."
The other girl, randomly: "Ew, what smells like fish?"
Benny Armato: "That's it, I'm done." ::walks away hysterically laughing::

Ronnie bleeds every day, whether it requires stitches or it's a papercut...
at softball, Ronnie's up at bat..
Dan Kant: "Ronnie, bleed!"

Again at softball..
Dan, cheering for Nick Olenczuk: "C'mon Sloth!"
Christina Santoriello: "Why do you call him 'Sloth'?"
John: "He looks like Sloth from the Goonies."
Christina: "Oh, I've never seen that movie."
The next time Christina's up at bat...
Dan: "Strike her out! She's never seen the Goonies!"
Christina gets on 2nd base..
Opposing 2nd basemen: "You can borrow my tape if you want."

John: "...and then there's the bass solo by the bassist."
Benny Armato: "As opposed to the drummer."

Original Steve Prefontaine quote: "Some people run to see who is the fastest, I run to see who has the most guts."
Ryan DeLuca's away message:
Auto response from SuPaMaN 4284 (12:27:14 AM): Some people run to see who is the fastest, I run to go to college, not to see who has the most guts.

This past year in italian Christian Simsuangco made fun of someone for wearing GAP, and I kinda lashed out at him for turning into a 'punk' overnight. Recently, at Jamie Giffuni's Sweet 16, Christian's band messed up a couple of times and just completely ended their set. Afterwards...
Christian: "Veronica, do you remember the day when I woke up a punk?"
Me: "Yeah..."
Christian: "I wish I never woke up that day."

At Amanda Urbanski's Sweet 16...
Me: "What's that girl's name? Cherry?"
Paul Krivosta: "Umm Cherish."
Lauren Sosulski: "When I first heard that I asked if that was her real name or her porn name."

Sean Tuthill had to drive Tom Rovere's car for a bit....after getting back..
Sean: "Tom your brakes are really weird."
Tom: "Only when you're slowing down."

Tom's best mile time was 4:35...we're watching a special on Dana Carvey...
Carvey: "I was a runner, I still am a runner. 4:27 mile in high school."
Tom: "Dammit!"

the Lafayette - Lehigh rivalry is quite big...
Lauren Sosulski: "Derek, where are you going to college?"
Derek Downing: "Lafayette...I'll be a junior."
Lauren: "Tom, where are you going to college.?"
Tom: "Lehigh."
Derek: "Sucks for you."

A lady (Jean) at work slams the phone down...
Another woman, Dee: "Who was that, Jean?"
Jean: "Some guy writing an article. He wanted to know what cross country was! How can you write an article if you don't know what it is?! Jeez!! I'm a woman and even I know what cross country is! Man! What a fool!"
I start laughing hysterically ..
Dee: "We get the weirdest phone calls here, Veronica."

while petting my dog...
Stephen Kerekes: "I don't like Sean Tuthill's dogs, they're mean."
Me: "But they're so cute!"
Stephen: "Yeah, but looks can be seducing."
Sean: "My dogs seduce you??"
Stephen: "Not seducing, uhh....what's that word??"
Sean: "Deceiving??"
Stephen: "Yeah! That's it!"

"I can't imagine what you do to your father! He's a good man! I pray for him every night." - Ms Massaro to Mike Sveda

"If you like weiner, wear a white hat and call yourself Shiz!" - Ryan Pulito, as Andrew "Shiz" Rohkohl is wearing a white hat

I'm eating salad while Mr. Kahn and Mr. Kaleita are behind me...
"Ha, look at Welsh, she's eating healthy. What's that about..." - Kahn

John: "OK, I'm gonna flip a coin. Heads and I get the Midtown CD, tails and I get the Thursday CD. Call it in the air."
Me: "Heads."
::Coin goes flying::
John: "Let's do it over."
Me: "Wait, why am I calling it, we already know what the decision will be no matter which side it lands on."
John: "Oh...yeah...damn."

Jason Prochilo's profile...even if you don't know the people it's still funny:
-Jason "Canteen Boy" Joiner drops out of Army in favor of Stony Brook.
-Mike Algozer has gone Asian on us at Georgia Tech.
-Keith Hershkowitz has converted...HAHA...but remains in the glorified high school program at Northeastern.
-Joe "Skinny" Ronde has dropped the Alfred baseball team like a bar of soap in a gay shower in favor for the "high" life.
-Babar has moved backed to Afganistan and opened up a chain of 7-11's there.
-Quigley has quit drinking.
-BC remains working at Thunders.
-wait...Quigley quit drinking??? nah
-Rogin is biting the pillow in the Merchant Marines and has future plans of joining the Village People.
-Kirsten is changing roommates like Micheal Jackson does color for fear of turning les with the mom she's with now.
-Alex did turn les but with her hot roommates at Quinnipiac.

Tom O'Donnell's DeadJournal entry on the first day of school:
"A bump jolts you back to a state of 'almost-awake'. You realize that you will be there in mere moments. You look out the dirty window, just in time to see the rusted gates pass by. Realization finally dawns on you, you're actually back. It didnt really hit you, until now. As the transport crests the top of the hill, you see it. Pretty much the same as when you left it. Great clouds of dark smoke hang over the terrible structure, almost obscuring its highest points. You're getting closer, and eventually the vehicle grinds to a halt. The doors hiss open, and your fellow travellers rise as one, and begin to shuffle off out the door. You go with them, just a part of the crowd. And your group is swallowed in the larger mass of people, all heading for the same fate. As the shambling horde approaches the building, a deafening, piercing noise is heard over the low mumbling of the masses. There is silence for a few endless seconds, and then you hear, echoing through the land: 'Good morning Smithtown Students. Today is Day 1. Please Stand for the Pledge.' "

Mike Sveda: "They just broke ground at my church, they're making a new one."
Ms Massaro: "Was it a big ceremony?"
Mike: "Yeah, they had a few dogs and drinks."
Ms Massaro: "Dogs?"
Mike: "Hot dogs. Yeah, they were gonna have the dogs piss on the new ground."
Ms Massaro: "They broke ground, not christened it!"
Mike: "Haha yeah, 'Bring your dog to the ground breaking, have it drop a dookie on the dirt!' "

"I mean crap, I can't take this class seriously. We picked it cause McNerney was drunk, and I was just stupid so we said "...dude....lets take debating....!" - Tom O'Donnel

"The hell-like 9 month period known as "school", as the state likes to call it, has fallen upon us. The rummaging of backpacks, mountains of homework, and the constant chatter of slap-happy teachers will be a constant threat to our newly found lives this summer. Everyone embrace for the terror that is before us and let us all make sure that the toilets are always flushed." - Trent Olson

Me: "Those guys doing the retake pictures were gay."
Erik Berte: "Yes, definitely, they did the hand motions and everything."
Tristan McLaren: "Yeah, and they touched me and told me not to tell my mommy."

Ms. Richman: "What makes Shakespearean plays different from modern plays?"
Bill Palacino: "They climaxed faster."
...Ms. Richman proceeds to cry with laughter, end class, and draw a big X on the door....

Molly Sweeney: "I don't want to speak in spanish, I'm scared to speak!"
Miss Massaro: "I'm 4'11"!! I can't hurt you!"

After seeing my "Zach and Kelly forever" buddy icon...
Ron Wood: "What was the ugly kid's name? Scream or shout or something? It was Scream, right?"
Me: "Screech."
Ron: "Oh yeah, he's a f***, he's so f***ing ugly."

"I'm in style every 20 years because fashion recycles itself." - Mr. Kahn

Ms Massaro: "Que hablan los hombres?" [what do guys talk about?]
Eman Betainah: "Mujeres." [girls]
...half the class laughs
Andrew S: "I don't like spanish jokes, I don't get them."

Still talking about what males & females discuss...Ms Massaro puts down that females discuss nails, hair, weight, etc...
Nicole Cooper, running up to the board: "Ms Massaro! No! You can't put that stuff up there! These are smart girls! Not...((points to Mike Sveda))."

A loud buzzing/chopping sound is coming from outside...
Mike Sveda, out the window: "Hey, can ya shut up? I'm trying not to learn spanish here, I'm trying to sleep."

Ms Massaro: "What happens at parties now-a-days?"
Andrew S: "Ping pong."
Massaro: "Really?"
Andrew: "Yeah, lots of ping pong."
Keith Lizzi: "There are a lot of ping pong balls thrown around, if ya know what I mean."
Massaro: "At least there's no beer."
Andrew: "AT LEAST."
Keith: "Ms Massaro is my doubles PING PONG partner ((winks))."
Mike: "Ms Massaro, wanna come to the football party and play ping pong with us?"
Erika VS: "It's funny because they're talking about beer pong."

Massaro: "If you had the oppurtunity to change sexes for a day, what would you do?"
Mike: "I'd spend the day in the girls locker room."
Massaro: "But you have a female's mentality! You wouldn't care if you were in the girls locker room!"
....class discusses this for another 5 minutes....
Mike, again: "Fine, I'd become really close with another girl........."

"It's easier being a guy. We don't have to deal with the pains of pregnancy, or having our period once a month. For a week you're a bitch and no one wants to talk to you, then another week you feel like crap, and then it's only 2 weeks before the next cycle. The guys get the raw end of the deal, we have to live with you!!" - Andrew S

"You know you're a running nerd if you yell at your lactic acid to turn back into pyruvic." - Mike Vasek

"You know you've been taking too much chemistry when you begin to compare the specific heats of the various foods on your lunch tray." - Vasek

"It's time for a new textbook when they refer to Wilt Chamberlain's $200,000 yearly salary as 'awe-inspiring.' " - John

Talking about P.I.G. credit...
Mr. Cone: "...and you can do Hoops for Heart. Who runs that, the American Lung Association?"
Class: "Cone, it's Hoops for HEART."
Cone: "Haha, oh yeah."
Ron Wood: "VW, that's quotes page."

****** ****** is wearing a really slutty shirt....
"I'm not a slut, I just want people to look at my boobs instead of my face. I cut off half my eyebrow." - Anonymous

After our math class forgets how to do a simple concept...
"Damnit! How are we ever going to beat the Russians??" - Mr. Kahn

Madame Carey: "Guys, we need this stuff for the French Honor Society car wash! We need detergent and hoses so they'll get clean!"
Alex Tasopoulos: "Or we could just spit on them a lot."

(this one's old school, but it's for Bryan)
Me: "I don't believe in god."
Bryan Quinn: "So you're an anarchist?"
Tom Rovere: "Umm you mean atheist, right?"
Bryan: "yeah.."

Mr. Kahn: "Test friday."
Chelsea: "On what?!"
Kahn: "Paper."
Chelsea, to me: "Are you writing this down?"

Kahn: "Ooo, McDonalds." [reaches for bag]
Stephanie Hartard: "It's empty."
Kahn pulls out a salad container: "A salad?! You go to McDonald's for salad?!"

Kahn: "[something insane]"
Chelsea: "Wait, what're we doing??"
Kahn: "Math."

"You know you're a running nerd when you go to the ocean and have foot races on the shore with your friends." - Mike Vasek

Mr. Kahn does something nutty on the board...
Steve Saal: "Oy-vay."
Kahn: "The jewish side of town speaks. [pretends to speak yiddish]."
Steve: "Haha, you sound like my grandma."
Kahn: "Oh, how is Nana?!"

Yuko Kawamura coughs..
Mr. Kahn: "Oh man, Yuko, is that still you with the cough?"
Yuko: "Yeah."
Bill Shea: "I haven't been sick since 6th grade."
Kahn: "Yuko, go cough on him. Bilal, when you sneeze, sneeze on Bill."
Bill: "Seriously though! My brother had mono and I didn't get it."
Chelsea: "Good to know you weren't making out with your brother!"

Ms Richman: "Not gonna be happy today, not gonna be happy tomorrow."
Bill Palacino: "Your birthday?"
Ms Richman: "No! It's hot out! You're lucky I have a good sense of humor!!"

"Incest - the game the whole family can play." - Mr. Kahn (Bill Shea's yearbook quote)

Stephanie Hartard's cell phone rings..
Mr Kahn: "Is that your cell phone?!"
Tom Mandler, as I cough loudly trying to muffle the sound: "Uh, no, it's her pacemaker...yeah."

Chelsea spills her water all over the floor in calc...BK looks over, Chelsea tries to look cool..
Chelsea: "Bill Shea, what'd I tell you about peeing on the floor???"

MaverickTheory = Paul ..
MaverickTheory (6:52:12 PM): =)
Auto response from VWyanks51 (6:52:12 PM): i just consumed almost a half gallon of apple juice.....watchin the boob tube
MaverickTheory (6:52:23 PM): see you in the bathroom

Bill Palacino: "Ms Richman, I have some exciting news for you!"
Ms Richman: "When are you going to be absent???"

"There are 7 steps to integration (a difficult math concept)...[blahblahblah]...the seventh is divine inspiration." - BK

At the Homecoming game..
Dom Barbo's friends: "1,2,3...PLAY BARBO!!!!"
A few minutes later..
Dave Miller, announcing the game: "....and Domenick Barbo with the tackle...."
Dom's girlfriend: "Ohh yay!!! Go Domenick!! Woo! Nice job!!!"
Matt Kortmann: "You're like that crazy mom that no one ever wants to sit next to. Whose mom is this?!"

"Billy Shea had two tackles, his first statistics as a varsity player. I now have proof I was on varsity football." - Bill Shea after the Pat-Med game

Brian Keane is known as the "random number generator" in calc...
Brian: "I have a question."
Mr Kahn: "What is it now, what 3 boroughs does the Triborough Bridge connect?!?"

Talking about college in spanish...
Mike Sveda: "Steph, what do you want to do."
Steph Tumbiolo: "Law."
Mike: "How about you LIzzi."
Keith Lizzi, pondering for a second: "I want to be a dancer." [does a jig]

Leah Codispoti's purse is like shag carpeting..
"Look at Leah's purse, it's like roadkill. I'm gonna get one for you, Veronica. It comes in squirrel, raccoon, and opossum." - Maria Mascia

Mr Ehmann is making an announcement about driving..
Ehmann: "...and get home safe."
Ms Richman: "Safely!!"

Brian Keane: "..[blahblahblah]..and he was smoking crack."
Mr Kahn: "That he probably got from you."

This is great for anyone who knows Mr/Coach Hyder...
Mike Martucci: "What's Mr. Hyder's e-mail address?"
Paul Krem: ""

"My boxers are riding up so much I'm going to cough up fabric soon." - John

Jason Prochillo: "So Jay, how are the college parties?"
Jason Joiner: "They're good.........I hear..."

Prochillo = good guy, Brown = idiot, Dearie = 40 year old track coach..
Me: "Lauren hooked up with another Northport kid tonight."
John: "Jay Prochillo? Neil Brown? or Coach Dearie???"

Andrew Rohkohl: "Paul, how did you get so smart, were you just born that way??"
Paul Krem: "Have you ever heard Bryan Maggio's theory about me?....... What do you read on the can?"
Andrew: "What??"
Paul: "What do you read on the can?"
Andrew, confused: "..nothing."
Paul: "See? I read newspapers, magazines, textbooks,'s a good hour and a half of reading time a day."

something scandalous happened at Cooper's house..
Paul: "Ok, who was at Nicole Cooper's house on Saturday night. What happened."
Ryan McNamara: "I was there."
Paul: "I have about 30 questions I typed up in a questionaire for you."
Ryan: "Well, I was there, like towards the beginning, then I left for a bit and came back towards the end."
Paul: "I hope a close member of your family went into cardiac arrest in order for you to leave that party."

Mr Kahn is walking around the classroom checking everyone's classwork..
As he walks past Bilal Khan: "What is this?? Please use a bigger font."

"I'm not a drinker, but Sveda, you're gonna drive me to drink! When I become an alcoholic, I'm blaming it on you!!" - Miss Massaro

Miss Massaro is taking attendance..
Sveda: "I'm here today."
Me: "Thanks Mike."
Miss Massaro: "Yes, thank you Michael."
Mike: "I was supposed to be on a field trip."
Miss Massaro: "Why was it cancelled?"
Mike: "The NorthEaster."
Class: "Hahaha, NorthEaster."
Mike: "NorthEaster, NorthWester, I dunno, one of those colleges is rolling through."

Ryan McNamara had an appendectomy..
Girl: "Paul, are you coming to my field hockey game today?"
Paul Krem: "No, I can't, I have to visit a friend in the hospital."
Girl: "Oh no, what happened?"
Paul: "His appendix exploded, and the juice went down into his groin area and they had to amputate his testicles."
Girl, to me: "Did that really happen?!"
Me: "Um, no, but he did have an appendectomy."

At the hospital..
Paul: "Hey Ryan, how're you feeling?"
Ryan: "Pretty well, thanks."
Paul: "Oh, um, when you get back to school, and people are asking about your balls and how you don't have them anymore, that was me....."

Mike Sveda: "This Spanish test is impossible!"
Miss Massaro: "Suffer in silence, take it like a man. You don't see anyone else complaining."
Mike: "I think Veronica back here is complaining."
Miss Massaro: "If Veronica were struggling she'd keep it to herself."
Mike: "I guess so...and she makes good juice."
Class: "What???"
[long pause]
Me: "Umm, my last name is Welsh...Welch, get it?"
Class: "oohhh"

Kenny Baldwin threw something at me..
Ms. Kelley: "She's got a Brown University shirt on, don't throw things at her! She's much smarter than you and she's very valuble!!"

Mr Shelley is the crazy man who drives the pick up truck around Sunken Meadow...he was driving over the narrow bridge...
Shelley: "Get out of the way!"
We move to the side, but it's still not wide enough..
Shelley: "Are ya deaf! I said get out of the way!!"
Lindsay Sundell: "Well, what if I was deaf??"
we make fun of deaf kids for a minute..
Me: "Guys, watch it, the deaf kid from Harborfields might be around."
Andy Drost: "Oh yeah, the deaf kid might hear us."

I run up and give Andy Drost a hug..
Andy: "God dammit if this is another guy I'm gonna be so pissed."

Varin Neitzel: "I loved Pearl Jam, I was obsessed with them."
Tristan McLaren: "Did Eddie Vetter even have lyrics?" [holds up an air-microphone and gargles into it hilariously]
Paul Krem: "How can you put that on the quotes page? You're gonna need like a .wav file to get it in there."

"I'm a skinny catholic." - Eric Shein

Me: "Kevin, if you beat Brian Dalpiaz in a race, I will have your kids."
Kevin Tschirhart: "Awesome."

after Kevin beat Brian...
Me: "Awesome job Kevy! I'm gonna be a Mom soon!"
Kevin: "THAT'S RIGHT! Let's do it now!!!! I'm so ready!!!" [he runs towards me thrusting his pelvis]

"Picture this: First time I moved down to Long Island, first year in Smithtown, I'm living alone. I was hungry, so I wanted french fries. I had no idea how to make them, so I just put oil in a pan. Well, how hot was it supposed to be? I boiled the oil, put in my frozen french fries, then extinguished the fire." - BK

at the girls' vball game...I'm carrying a sign saying "WORST CALL EVER!!"...
Me: "Am I allowed to bring this in? Or is it unsportsmanlike conduct?"
Mr Maritato, working security: "Well, spectators are supposed to be 'positive.' Sooo, I guess you could say "I'm positive that was the WORST CALL EVER!!" "

after Mr Maritato said the above...
Christina D'Esposito: "That's quotes page, right? It's been like a week since you've updated it!!"
Me: "I need a fan club."

Dad: "No, the marijuana reform guy. I wanted to see my vote in the paper tomorrow - 'Smithtown - 1.' C'mon, nobody else in Smithtown is voting for that guy. Mom thought I was nuts."

[phone in classroom rings]
Brian Keane, with his head down: "Tell them it's not my fault and I didn't do it."
Mr. Kahn, to the phone: "It's not Brian's fault and he didn't do it....they hung up."

"You must go to sleep at night and have a whole little United Nations in your head! You must dream in 4 different languages!" - Miss Massaro to me

Mr. Kahn: "OK, with your bonus points you get an A for the quarter."
Chelsea: "What?"
Mr. Kahn: "You get an A for the quarter."
Chelsea: "I am now questioning my status as an agnostic."

Casey Silver answers a difficult question in spanish correctly..
Adam Leonard: "See, Casey knows his stuff. He works at a restaurant with Mexicans."
Mike Sveda: "I work at a restaurant, but they don't speak with me, they just throw bread at me."

"If you had any more quotes on your website, you could probably write a novel on just dialogue." - Jill Mattera

"Chris LeGoff is in YOUR grade? When the hell is that kid gonna hit puberty??" - Anonymous, to me

"...[blank] is a lesbian, but she went out with someone for like a year. I can't imagine's like 'I'm straight, I have a boyfriend...just kidding!' " - Kate Marigliano

After postponing a Calc quiz..
Mr Kahn: "Sometimes I'm reasonable, sometimes. Like that time back in '83..."

disgustingly long & difficult math equation on the board..
Steve Saal: "Wait, I'm a little--"
Mr Kahn: "Teapot, short and stout.."
Me & Andrew Rohkohl: "Here is my handle, here is my spout."

The word on the board in Spanish is diviertanse..
Vanessa Calle, from Colombia: "I think it's diviertansen."
Miss Massaro: "Nooo, diviertanse."
Keith Lizzi: "I wouldn't doubt her, it's her native language."
Miss Massaro: "You've never made a mistake in English Mr. Lizzi?!"
Amanda Pizzuto: "It's like chillin...chilling...take off the 'g'. "
Brett Olsen: "Amanda what the hell are you talking about."

talking about Spanish food...paella and aroz con pollo are traditional Spanish dishes
Amanda Pizzuto: "There's a nice Spanish restaurant in Brentwood, you should go Miss Massaro."
Mike Sveda: "Oh, you can get paella and aroz con pollo and A BULLET IN THE SHIN!!!"
Andrew S: "You take out your wallet to pay and they run away with it...'Hey! Dammit! Come back here!!' "

Andrew S: "I'm not wearing a belt and my pants .... I feel black."
Miss Massaro: "Excuse me?!?!"
Andrew: "Sorry, I mean, I feel like one of those scrawny white kids in our school."

Mike Sveda: "I got a 3.81 on my report card, and you people think I'm stupid."
Audrey DiNeiro starts clapping..
Andrew S: "Hahaha she's clapping, that's like the biggest insult ever. It's like 'Oh nice job, they must've messed up in E-Administration.' - - I'm kidding, please don't hurt me." 

Andrew S and Ali Glassman are at the board..
Miss Massaro: "Don't copy just yet, the stuff on the board might not be true."
Andrew: "That's for sure!"

"Her shirt said, 'Hi, I'm [blank], please look at my gorgeous rack.' " - Tristan

Mom: "I'm going to the cleaners, I'll be back in a bit."
Dad: "Don't threaten me!"

At Dan Friedman's house with all the intellectuals..
Erika: "I feel so out of place here, I'm significantly lowering the average IQ of the room."

After arriving at Dan's..
Ian Schlakman: "Am I late enough? I can come back in 5 minutes."

While raking..
John: "Don't you wish you were in Northport bowling right now, it was 85 degrees out, and you weren't coming home until 3 in the morning?"
Me: "I hate you."

While watching a Spanish cook..
Andrew S: "Whoa! Easy there with the salt! [to Miss Massaro] She must love heart attacks."

Ryan Pulito holds up a wad of cotton...keep in mind we make fun of Christian Simsuangco for being brown
Ryan: "Look! It's Christian's source of income!"

Kelly pulls out a weird utensil from Ronnie's kitchen drawer..
Kelly: "What's this used for??"
Tristan: "Torturing chinese spies."

Nick Olenczuk: "I'm fire chief tonight, the other guys are at a wedding so they put me in charge."
Tristan: "If anyone has a fire, they're fucked."

On the train on the way to Guster, we're going thru each other's wallets
"Who's James DeNino?" - Kelly Schenker, while holding Jimmy DeNino's ID card

Still on the train..while playing word association after Kelly's mental lapse ...
Kelly: "dog poop"
Me: "dookie"
Tina: "green day"
Kelly: "80's"
Me and Tina: "KELLY!!! Jesus!!"

Still on the train..
Kristina Cioni: "Guys when we get there we will still have an hour and a half before the show starts. What're we gonna do?"
Chuck Wisnewski: "We could find a Starbucks and hang out in its parking lot."

At the show, Guster's playing a new song and no one is singing along..
Jess McShea: "I know the lyrics to this song."
Jason Modica: "So does everyone else in here."

two of the greatest moments of my life:
"If you interrupt me one more time I'm going to shoot you!!!" - Mrs. Lillian Carey to Steven Saal
"Shut the hell up!" - Mr. Bruce Kahn to Steven Saal

While Taking Back Sunday starts playing in my car...
Tom O'Donnell: "Is this one of those day bands? Like 'Taking Back Tomorrow' or 'Monday' or 'Saves Saturday'?"

"That's my friend's 100-pound brother!!" - Paul Krem while my brother is playing at Bands of the Bull

Sal Dazzo is sleeping in Italian..
Tristan: "Hey Sal, why don't you shut up, you're talking too loud ..[to the substitute] ..He's distracting me!!"

at the blood drive, I'm escorting Michael Saluzzi to the snack table after the needle was taken out of him..
Mike: "If I collapse, you won't be able to hold me up. They'd pick me up off the floor and would be like, 'Oh shit! There's a girl under there!' "

again at the blood drive..
Random person, to me: "Why aren't you giving blood?"
Me: "I don't weigh en---"
Bill Shea: "Are you kidding??? What'd you weigh in at, like 45 pounds? Some people faint when they take blood, it would KILL you."

Someone brought in cookies for spanish..
Mike Sveda: "Yo I'm ready for those cookies bro."
Miss Massaro: "Yo you'll have to wait........bro."

"That's the thing about basketball...every time you turn around you have an angry black man in your face." - anonymous

Mr. Kahn: "How are the wife and kids?"
Andrew Rohkohl: "I don't have any kids."
Mr. Kahn: "Are you married yet?"
Andrew: "Not yet, it's arranged."
Mr. Kahn: "Don't poke fun, some people in this school are uncertain about their future."
Brian Keane:" Yeah, we don't like being made fun of..."
Random person: "Is he serious?"
Mr. Kahn: "NO!"

Mr. Kahn to Steve Saal: "Put that calculator away! I'm gonna put it where the sun don't shine!"
Keane: "A closet?"
Rohkohl: "A shoe?"

"Are these new tables?" - Christina D'Esposito randomly in the library, a good month after the new tables were set up

Deidre Muro: "Wait, what am I doing? Am I taking this test?"
Mr. Kahn: "You haven't been here in like a week! I'm not THAT unfeeling..[long pause]..Yeah I am, here take it..[pause]..just kidding."

the next four quotes pertain to the recipes we're doing in Spanish...
Miss Massaro: "I use two spoons to scoop out the cookie batter."
Andrew S: "Thanks Betty!"
Miss Massaro: "That's Cathy Crocker for you."

Jon Ryan is demonstrating how to make mashed potatoes...
Andrew S: "Throw some more butter in there, who needs to live until they're 20???"

Alicia Fast and Steph Tumbiolo made cheesecake and salad for their video...Mike Petrucci is tasting the salad with salad dressing...
Mike Sveda: "You put salad dressing on cheesecake?!?"
Petrucci: "No you idiot, that's the salad."
Sveda: "Oh ok, I was gonna say, 'You are a sick man!!' "

Eman Betaineh puts some fake ingredients into a bowl during her presentation, and there is a lot of salt...
Sveda: "Wait, what was that?"
Andrew S: "A heart attack."

As we're doing community service projects for recycling...
Justin Feldmann, to Mr. Cone: "You just wasted a piece of tape!! Do you know how many elephants just died because you wasted that tape??"
Christina D'Esposito: "Can that be quotes page? Please?"

"'re Johnboy's sister?!" - Brian Coleman randomly across the cafeteria

Me: "Would you like to write a recommendation for me?"
Hyder: "Sure, is it for the Riverhead County Jail?"
Me: "Yup."
Hyder: "Haha just kidding, I'd be glad to. I'm getting good at writing fiction."

My dad is telling me the story of when my first pet (a fish named Swimmy) died 10 years ago..
Dad: "Well, you were pretty upset. I think it was just the fact that something died on you. Do you remember the funeral we had?"
Me: "Yeah, it's buried behind the garage."
Dad: "Yeah. We buried Swimmy, said a 'Hail Mary,' then you asked, 'What do we do now?' "
Me: "What'd you say?"
Dad: " 'Well, normally we all get drunk.' Then mom punched me and called me an idiot."

talking about senior most awards...
Dad: "I almost won best dancer in high school."
Me: "What??"
Dad: "Yeah, it was between me and Bruce Chamberlain. He was a tough guy, and the award meant a lot to him., so I told my friends to vote for him. I didn't care."
Me: "They were voting for you as a joke, right?"
Dad: "No! I was a good dancer! I can't clap, but I can dance!"

while holding a brown&white cookie..
Tom O'Donnell: "Look, it's the Brown vs. the Board of Education cookie."

Mr Kahn: "Why do people like bananas?"
Bill Shea: "They have a lot of A's?"
Kahn: "Nope, it's got a peel (appeal)!!
Random person: "That was the worst joke ever."

having an alcohol and drugs convo in spanish..
Mike Sveda: " neighbor and I...we went into the woods....and we rolled it up......AND SMOKED A NAPKIN."
Random person: "Oh sweet moses what were you thinking??'

Sveda, pointing to my necklace: "Nice wreath."
Me: "Mike, it's a claddagh."
Sveda: "Oh..."
Me: "Do you know what that is?"
Sveda: "No..but it looks nice for the holidays."
Me: "Mike I've worn this necklace every day since July."

Random girl comes into my Italian class..
Girl: "Excuse me, but Coach Saladino wants to see Tristan."
Mike Randazzo: "He wants to know why you put cameras in the showers."

Keane: "What's up?"
Mr Kahn: "My weight."
Chelsea: "What???"
Mr Kahn: "Yeah! With all the snow I haven't been able to run!"

Random girl: "My eye hurts so bad, I should just poke it out. It would probably hurt less."
Girl's friend: "No, no, that would definitely hurt more."

1 year ago, Tim O'Reilly wished Joe Volpe a happy 18th birthday (refer to very top of this page) year later, at midnight on December 12th, Tim wished Joseph another happy birthday..
Joe: "Hey you remember what you said to me last year on my birthday?"
Tim: "Ah yes, I remember that.....then we had a wonderful night sliding into fifth base."
Joe: "Fifth base?"
Tim: "Butt sex, my friend."
Joe: "Ah yes, butt sex."

Tristan: "Oh yeah, so Dan Friedman got accepted to Harvard yesterday...and that's his SECOND choice."
Me: "OMG that's awesome!!"
Tristan: "So if he doesn't get into Columbia, this is what he's gonna say: 'Oh f***, now I have to go Harvard.' "

Bill Sweeney and Peter Anselmo are on drums and guitar, respectively, while putzing around in Rohkohl's basement ..
Bill, into the mic: "Jesus, why'd you cut your hair?"
Pete, into the other mic: "Well, God didn't want his people thinking his son was a piddlin' bum."

"I felt like such a nerd on the way home from school today. When I drove past taco bell, I saw this weird shaped truck and automatically thought of using calculus to try and figure out the volume and how many mexicans could be packed inside." - Mike Ciardullo

taken from Ronnie's profile..
"define irony: a band, already corrupt by years of capitalistic society ideals, sings a song based on how the "rich and famous" have too much money..while selling their albums at obnoxiously high prices to add to their profit and thereby allowing the stupid system of capitalism to exist.....SOCIALISM DAMMIT!!!!"

Varin Neitzel and I always poke fun at Jeremy Miceli for saying things like 'Bah!' and 'Uhhh'....7 of us are having an intelligent conversation about heart conditions in Hulks garage and Jeremy walks in..
Jeremy: "What are you guys talking about?"
Paul Krem, immediately: "Mono-syllabic words and how they express emotions in conversation, like 'Bah!"
Varin and I: "OH MY GOD!"

There are about 15 people in Hulks garage again, now talking about who was the better supreme court justice, John Marshall or Earl Warren..
Martucci: "Warren's case decisions were much better than Marshall's."
Krem: "I don't care, John Marshall made the Supreme Court what it is today. He knew that the country couldn't function with just a bicameral legislature and an executive branch."
Plati comes running in..
Frank: "Guys do you want to race washing machines?!?"
everyone stares in amazement..
Paul: "Frank, SHUT UP!"

While talking about Trent Lott, Jeremy walks in again..
Me: "Jeremy! What do you think about Trent Lott?? You can redeem yourself right now."
Jeremy: "He just got carried away. If he says anything racist again he should be fired."
Me: "Awesome! Now go tell Paul and the rest of the people in this circle...Paul, listen to Jeremy."
Paul: "What.."
Jeremy: "Well if that guy does what he's supposed to, he can be president some day."
Paul: "He will never be president."
Me: "Jeremy that's not what you told me!"
Christian, as if speaking to a 5-year-old: "Jeremy, the president is the head of a country, not the inventor of Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream."

at the crowded Vanderbilt, Andrew Rohkohl had a bouncy ball..
Andrew: "Damn, I dropped my ball."
Shapiro: "Yeah that's what happens during puberty, your balls drop...[long pause]...Quotes page?"
Me: "Dammit! I don't have any real friends anymore! Everyone just wants to get on the damn quotes page!!"

with the amount of people in the Vanderbilt, it was approx. 57437395 degrees...
Me: "I wish I was at the Rinx right now with the ice and the cold."
Gary Cioni: "Oh are you an ice skater?"
Me: "No, I'm a runner."
Gary: "That's not a sport."
Me: *GASP!*
Steve Ponzo: "Oh god don't start that."

talking about gun control in PIG..
Justin Feldmann: "They should create non-lethal guns."
Mr Cone: "OK, so they'll shoot marshmallows...what're you talking about?!"
I pull out my agenda to write the quote down..
Christina D'Esposito: "Yes! She's writing it down! Mr Cone this will be your 2nd quote!!"

Amanda Cioni (11 years old): "Let's have a burping contest."
Christian Simsuangco: "OK."
Amanda: "I'll cream you!"
Christian: "I'll cream YOU!!"
Varin and me: "She's 11 years old!!! You can't say stuff like that to her!!!"

while holding up glue and putting it to his mouth..
Christian: "Look guys, just like the good ol' days."

while people are putzing around with the guitars in Andrew's basement
Kim Pernice: "Play 'Bats in the Belfry'!"
Matt Smith: "OK, let me pull the trumpet out of my ass."

while in Starbucks..the place has brown walls..
Frank Plati: "Look! Christian matches the wall!!"

Dad is washing the dishes..
Dad: "OK, these dishes will have to wait until later."
Mom: "NO! Do them now! You're already washing dishes and you're already wet! Jesus christ how lazy do you have to be??"

Varin: "I can't get girls, I'm too nervous."
Paul: "VARIN! You are a three year varsity [soccer] player!! I'm the friggin stats guy for christ's sake!"

Kristen Ces: "Veronica, are those birkenstocks?"
Christina D'Espo: "No, she's proud they're not."

after I burp very loudly..
Kim Pernice: "THAT WAS AWESOME!!"
Kathy Seifert: "I'm gonna barf..."

as I'm reading the communist manifesto as John Daly is reading a book for junior high students and he knocks over a cup of coffee...
Me: "John! Clean that up!!"
John: "No woman."
Me: "Someone's gonna put his or her stuff in it!"
John: "Shut up, at least I'm not reading the friggin' communist manifest destiny...manifesto, sh*t I can't even spell that without looking at it."

while playing balderdash...someone says a name, and the others have to guess what important thing that person did
Kathy: "OK, who was Leona Lax."
Candice Sheridan: "Some lady who invented grits."
Kathy: "No, she invented bra cup sizes."
Farhat: "No! She has to be some black lady who invented grits with a name like Leona Lax!!"

Lauren Sosulski practically takes off her leg while running the hurdles..
Kim Pernice: "Hyder!! She needs a trainer now!!" 7 girls scatter to find a trainer, and some lady who looks retarded comes over...
Lady: "Ouch, that looks like it hurts."
Lauren, between sobs: "You're telling me!!"
Hyder: "Can we get some ice over here, or the trainer?"
Lady: "I am the trainer."
Lauren: *starts hysterically crying*
Kim: "Oh sh*t, she's f*cked."

Mr Cone: "Does anyone know how many people are killed yearly? Isn't it like 36,000 people?"
Ron Wood: "A day??"
Mike Giangrasso: "No! If that happened, there'd be like 6 people left in the world by January 20th!"

Liz Wray: "We went to church the other day, and she started FLIPPING OUT. It was like she saw the pope!"
Amanda Pizzuto: "Miss Massaro was at our church!!"

Mike Trotta: "Let's go out to dinner."
Me: "Okay, where do you want to go."
Mike: "You choose."
Me: "Well, what's your favorite restaurant? We'll go there."
Mike: "Wendy's it is!"

a cell phone rings in spanish class..
Erika VS: "Jeeze it's another friggin orchestra."
Amanda Pizzuto: "It's my brother!......Why would he be calling?.....Oh god, I can't turn it off....Oh Miss Massaro I'm so sorry, are we still friends?"

NOTE: this is only good for the trackies..the mile is lining up at Brown Univ.
Kathy Seifert: "Why are they not going up all the way to the California start line?"
Meghann Slattery: "They must be doing a Texas start."

Coach Byrne: "This is a good spot to sit, we get to watch all the people trip over the lip of the track."
2 minutes later, a kid with a 'Don't Mess With Texas' shirt trips...
Kim Pernice: "Oh that was too perfect."

last update the quotes page at 420 quotes..
Tom O'Donnell: "I'm looking at your page and any recreational pot smoker would be thrilled to know you have 420 quotes."

while talking about Senior Most awards..
Christian: "Biggest"
Me: "Nooo, Frank Plati."
Paul: "Most mono-syllabic: Jeremy Miceli."

Mike Trotta runs for URI..
Mike: "I had some guys from my team over the other day. There were 8 of us, but only 2 white kids. We went out for pizza, and it was like a culture shock. Kings Park has never seen so many black people."

while watching some thing on tornadoes...
TV: "...and this young mother was reunited with her baby..."
Me: "What is she, 10??"
Dad: "It's the Midwest, they have babies at 8."

while talking about honesty in spanish...
Amanda Pizzuto: "Ever see that bumper sticker 'Lie for your health' ?"
Miss Massaro: "No."
Amanda: "That's because I made it up."

Mike Martucci, eating something: "What is this?"
Mrs. Riccoboni: "Lemon cookies, Jessica made them."
Jess Lucas: "Except there's no lemon in them."

very italian Uncle Rico: "So Veronica, how are you doing in school? Which languages are you taking?"
Me: "Very well, I'm studying italian, spanish, and french."
very german Uncle Al: "French, eh? All you need to know how to say is 'I surrender'."
Rico: "Al didn't the germans lose both world wars?"
Al: "Shut up Mussolini."

this is from November but I never remembered to put it in...
Christian, while applying some Soft Lips Black Cherry Lip Balm very feminely: "Guys, does this make me look gay?"

Mr Kahn tries to throw a marker into the garbage can and misses...
Bill Shea: "You don't hit that shot often."
Mr Kahn: "Not a lot of Jews in the NBA."

"One plus one equals three.........for large quantities of one." - Mr Kahn

Mr Kahn draws a figure on the board..
Chelsea: "That looks like a chastity belt."
Mr Kahn: "I've been teaching this problem for many years, and no one has ever looked at it that way..."

Lauren Sosulski: "Hyder I got into Cortland!"
Hyder: "You didn't ask me for a recommendation."
Mrs Bobbi Miller: "That's why she got in!"

on the way home from Dartmouth College...
Me: "We've been on the bus for an hour and 40 minutes!"
Leah: "That's it?! 40 minutes?!"
Me: "An HOUR and 40 minutes."
Leah: "Oh! I was gonna say, that was the worst 40 minutes of my life! Besides Hyder's class...."

Leah: "Meghan, why aren't we pulling over?"
Meghan Garrity: "The bus driver's asleep."

Me: "Ok we really need to pull this bus over."
Kathy: "Yeah I'm so hungry, and is anyone else really really hot?"
Me: "I'm sweating, but I'm too stupid to take off my blanket."
Kathy: "But I don't have any pants on!"
Leah: "KATHY!!"
Kathy: "Yeah! Meghann took them off!"
Random person: "That sounds really really bad."

after someone took her soccer pants at the meet..
Sosulski: "Dammit! My CD player stopped working. Does anyone have any extra batteries? Or an extra pair of soccer warmup pants? That'd be great..."

a bunch of us are looking at the Maxim issue where Christina Aguilera is practically naked...
Hyder: "Wait until you see MY pictures in there, you'll like them."

Mike Trotta: "I have to get my emo hat..."
Me: "What?? What's an emo hat??"
..he pulls out a small winter hat..
Mike: "See how it doesn't cover my ears? It's an emo hat."

A substitute's name from a previous class is on the board in Calc..
Andrew Rohkohl: "Mr Kahn, did you get remarried this weekend?"
Chelsea: "Yeah, and HE changed his last name..."
Mr Kahn, scratching his head: " was a good weekend, I guess."
Brian Keane: "It was a good weekend when you can't remember it."

Tom Mandler is rambling on about something and getting loud..
Mr Kahn: "Tom, why is that you get excited when we're off task??"
Tom: "That's what's interesting! Calculus isn't interesting!"
Mr Kahn: "Oh, that's a great way to get far and make friends...'Your class SUCKS Mr Kahn!' "

Jackie Ventimiglia came back to school after being absent for what seemed like months...
Over the loudspeaker: "Jackie Ventimiglia, please report to E Administration."
Bill Young: "She's getting the Perfect Attendance Award."

Mrs Riccoboni: "In the subjunctive, a sample sentence in English would be 'I hope that you become homecoming queen."
Mike Randazzo: "What a nice thing to wish for Frank!"

trivia question at the San Remo Deli: "Who accurately predicted 'I am going to become a superstar musician and then kill myself in a flash of glory'?"
Me: "Judy Garland."
Maggie Boltja: "Kurt Cobain."
Lady behing counter: "Yep, it was Kurt Cobain."
Christina D'Espo: "Judy Garland killed herself? Did she do it on purpose?"

Brett Chereskin (drunk) answers the door while holding a bo...
Gary: "What do you have a giant stick for?"
Brett: "To beat the crap out of people."
Me: "Oh, like Donatello."
Joe Howdy (drunk), Brett's roommate from Wyoming: "That girl is my hero for remembering Donatello had a bo."

Mr Nathan "Nate-Dogg" Chereskin: "Hi Veronica, you haven't hung out with Brett in a while...You're still beautiful ... (jokingly) Didn't Brett break your heart?"
Me, joking back, clenching my heart: "Yes, sadly he did, I never fully recovered."
Nate-Dogg: "Nah, who're you kidding. Brett's been single for a while, hasn't had a girlfriend. Hell, he's still a virgin."
Brett, from the kitchen: "THANKS DAD! Thanks, I REALLY needed that. See what I have to live with?!"

Nate: "Where are you going to school?"
Me: "Hopefully either Boston U. or Delaware."
Nate: "Oh go to Boston, it's a nice little city. Wow, if you went out with Brett, I'd have two sons at the Military Academy with girlfriends at Boston U."
Brett: "Dad SHUT UP!"

"I've been to NYU a couple of times, it's really liberal there. It's like gay guy, gay guy, gay guy, straight guy WHO'S A BALLERINA, gay guy, gay guy..." - Joe Howdy

Joe, drunk: "Have you guys ever gone branding?"
Me: "What??"
Joe: " cows."
Me: "I don't think we have cows on Long Island."
Joe: "Oh, it's really fun. 8-person families have like 800 cows, and they have to brand 400 calves so they can't all do it themselves."
Brett: "You're kidding, right? Please tell me you're kidding right now."
Joe: "No! They get like 50 people together, and you wrestle this little calf down and then you brand it. Then the family feeds you this huge dinner, it's a really awesome town gathering."
Brett: "Oh my god, you're kidding. It's like a Bar Mitzvah! The town gathering is like a friggin Bar Mitzvah."
Joe: "But branding is cool."
Mary Chereskin, from the other room: "Brandy??? DON'T DRINK MY BRANDY!"
Brett: "MOM! STOP!"

Brett pours a shot of brandy..
Mary: "Don't drink that, you've had enough. Leave that for when I get home, I'll need it to make me relax and feel warm inside."
..Brett drinks the shot anyway..
Brett: "OH GOD! That was the most horrible tasting stuff ever! How can you drink that? How can that make you feel warm??"
Mary: "Well I sip it! I don't take it in shot form!!"

Gary Cioni: "Eww this stuff smells like rubbing alcohol."
Mary: "Of course! I can smell it from here!"

Mr Cone, with the ghetto arm motion: "Yo B, why you be skippin my class dis mornin'?"
Me: "Eh?"
Mr Holtzman, pushing Mr Cone back: "Yo dirty, step off, don't be all up in her grizzle like you be, what's wich yoo?"
Mr Cone: "Step off, you ain't got no raight to get ivolved in dis, wach it."
Mr Holtzman: "Not while you be all pissed and stuff, STEP OFF!"
Me: "What the hell is going on?"

Me: "I liked Raphael (the Ninja Turtle)."
Mike Randazzo: "Me too."
Rico Gardaphe: "Me too; it's because he was so sarcastic."
Tristan: "No one liked Donatello, it's like 'I'll beat you with my stick!' "
Rico: "I didn't like Michelangelo, he was too social. It's like, 'Get to work you bum, all you do is eat pizza and get in Raphael's way!"

Sveda: "...and we all get blitzed on the weekend."
Miss Massaro: "I enjoy myself when I'm sober and I'd like to remember the good times, thank you!"

at dinner...
Dad: "So I get a call from [lady] today and she said she lives at [address]. Do you remember that address?"
Mom: "No, the name kinda sounds familiar."
Dad, walking up the stairs: "That's the guy we rent our tents for the parties from. Small world."
John: "I guess that passes for interesting when you're 50."
Dad, now upstairs: "I'm gonna smack the hell out of that kid!"

at Martucci's Super Bowl party..
Mike: "Scott, do you want to buy a box?"
Scott Martella: "No, I'm in Positive Edge, I don't gamble."

"Look at this! This is more awkward than a Roman Catholic mass! Stand up, clap, kneel, sit down...." - Paul on the State of the Union

George Bush rhymes during his speech..
Chris Kremer: "Is this a poem?"
Paul: "Yes, it's an epic poem, like the Iliad."

Chris Born: "He's just saying what's wrong [with the country!] I could do this!!"
Chris Kremer: "But they wouldn't clap for you..."

They zoom in on a senator...
Mr. Kremer: "That's the guy who wants to bring back the draft."
Paul: "Well Veronica has nothing to worry about, she's a girl."
Mrs. Kremer: "No, he thinks girls should go too."
Me: "Looks like I'm going to Canada."
Paul: "I'll drive."

Coach Schepanski: "What does your friend Tishart say about lifting weights?"
Me: "You mean Tschirhart?"
Schepan: "Yeah................the bald kid."

Me: "Paul and I are going to Canada if we ever get drafted."
Dad: "No....(awkward pause, my jaw drops)....Dublin. I can finally get my farm. Can you picture mom slopping the hogs every morning?"
Mom, sticking up fist: "Insert obsene gesture here."

a random girl passes...
Ms. Rasweiler: "Oh my god! It's the girl with chapped hands!"
Me: "Huh?"
Ms. Rasweiler: "She puts on lotion every single day in my class, so I poke fun at her. She's going to develop a complex.."

"One of the questions was something like, 'Which of the following is on an international level?' The choices were like New York, New York, Texas, and the International Council. I wanted to stand up and say, 'Excuse me as I remove my fist from my anus and answer this question.' " - Paul on the PIG final

Mrs Carey: "At a carnival in Paris, one guy was dressed up like King Tutu.............that Egyptian king."
All: "King Tut???"
Carey: "Oh.......yeah."

"There's 12 commas in the first sentence alone. I'm not reading this book." - My dad on Vasari's The Great Masters

Mr Kahn: "...and these equations are called parametric equations."
Chelsea: "I'll para YOUR metric!"

After Regina Jacobs (39 years old) breaks the world record for the indoor 1500M..
Omar Omar: "Regina and I are engaged, just so you know.."

Frank Plati: "Who wants to break my leg if I get drafted?"
Me: "Frank, we're all going to Canada if any of us gets drafted."
Paul: "Yeah, the prom bus is going to Canada."

Paul: "There's not going to be a draft! Would Mr Plati with three sons vote for a guy who wants the draft? No."
Chuck, to Paul: "I'd vote for him just so you get drafted."

while studying Paris in french..
Varin: "How do the French have so many things dedicated to the military but still suck at war?"

Sveda: "I got into Hofstra."
Miss Massaro: "Very good Mr. Sveda."
Sveda: "That's just academically too, no sports."
Ali Glassman: "Oh god what were they thinking?!"

Sveda: "Miss Massaro we don't chit chat anymore."
Miss Massaro: "We don't have time now. We'll chit chat after you graduate."
Sveda: "But I won't be here!! [pause] There's gonna be a lot of chittering, but not a lot of chattering..."

Random girl: "Ohh, it's raining."
Bill Young: "Really? I thought some guy was standing on the roof with a sprinkler."

Tom Mandler is on the wrestling team, and Bill Shea lost a ton of weight because an ex-girlfriend (the devil) wanted him to...
Tom: *coughs loudly*
Mr. Kahn: "You OK there Tom?"
Tom: "Yeah I'm sick."
Me: "That's because you don't eat! If you ate you wouldn't get sick!"
Tom: "Shut up!! I eat!!"
Bill: "What kind of loser doesn't eat?"

Mr. Ehmann: "There are 640 seniors and only 320 parking spots."
Ms. Stonig-Solby: "That's half, by the way."
Sosulski: "We can do the math."

Nicole Cooper, right in the middle of a lesson: "How old are you??"
Claire Schwartz: "14."
Half of class: "Ohh, 14."
Nicole: "Wait, what grades did you skip??"
Claire: "Um, kindergarten, 2nd, and 6th."
Andrew S: "I remember two years ago we had global review classes, and she came. She was like 'I'm 12,' and she was spitting out answers like crazy."
Miss Massaro: "Well, you have other talents."
Andrew: "But I'd rather be smart!"
Miss Massaro: "You can be!"
Sveda: "Nah, he's Polish." 
Andrew: "It's just not in my cards."

Sveda: "How does it feel to be in school at 14?"
Andrew S: "I think you were in school at 14."
Miss Massaro: "Not unless you were roaming the streets."
Sveda: "Yeah, Nesconset, it's a tough area. It's like the slums of Smithtown."

Sveda: "Watch out Miss Massaro, I'm gonna throw this in the garbage."
Miss Massaro: "Please don't, you won't make it. You're not a basketball player, you're a football player."
Class: "Oooo rips."

Mandler has a terribly battered face from wrestling, and we're talking about how our calc final is on the card game bridge...
Keane: "You can't play bridge without cocktails."
Mr Kahn: "Take off your hat, I want to head-butt you."
Mandler: "Don't! Then your face will look like mine!"

Andrew S: "I think everyone should be more like you Miss Massaro."
Miss Massaro: "It'd be a dangerous, loud world."

Rob Miller: "Is it cool to listen to Justin Timberlake?"
Me: "No, sorry."
Rob: "I guess I gotta go change my wallpaper, screen saver, bed sheets, pillow cases, rip down my posters, get a new chemistry folder, and get a life size figure of someone else now."

Tristan was over watching the Millrose Games..
Dad: "Do you guys want some hot chocolate?"
Trist and Me: "Sure."
Dad comes back with hot chocolate, hands it to Trist..
Dad: "If you were a republican, you'd be getting water."

"Don't spanish people always sound pissed off when they talk?" - Jill Mattera

O:-) is the smile icon with the halo...
NoUseforanAme163: you're awesome
NoUseforanAme163: hahaha
VWyanks51: O:-)
NoUseforanAme163: hahahaha no you're not jesus
NoUseforanAme163: he was a man

the track team was running inside in shorts, and Ms Riccoboni walks past...
Mrs Riccoboni: "VW, you guys need some of that sunless tanner or something, look at your legs!"

Miss Massaro: "I've never been blitzed."
Sveda: "You're lying."
Miss Massaro: "Why would anyone ever want to wake up like that?!"
Class: "Like what?"
Miss Massaro: "Overhung!"
(awkward silence)
Miss Massaro: "What's the word....hungover! That's it!"
Alexis Shaw: "Now you know she's not lying!"

Kim Pernice had gone tanning 2 days before, and she's on the line to get the baton in the 4x400...
Kathy: "I didn't know we had a black girl on the team!"

Me: "I saw Frank Corrigan both times I went to Iona."
Mike Bamberger: "Oh that's cool, did you hook up with him?"
Me: "Nope."
Mike: "Yes you did, you hooked up with Frank!"
Me: "No I didn't!!"
Lindsay Sundell, Matt Sacco, Tschirhart, Bryan Quinn, and Sean Quinn, all at the tops of their lungs: "YOU HOOKED UP WITH FRANK?!?!?!"

the unseeded heat of the racewalk is going off at Counties..
Andy Drost, running in and pulling out his hair in a frenzy: "OH MY GOD I'M MISSING THE UNSEEDED HEAT OF THE RACEWALK!!"

while walking into 7-11...
Matt Sacco: "Smells like Taliban in here."

John throws out half of his dinner..
Me: "That's such a waste of food."
John: "Oh shut up, the Ethiopians probably didn't want it."

John buses tables at Pancake Cottage..
Me: "John, clear the table, I set---"
John: "NO! I clear tables for a living! You do it!"

Mr Kahn: "What's the longest word?"
Random person: "That disease thing."
Mr Kahn writes 'smiles' on the board: "Smiles, because there's---"
Chelsea: "A mile between the S's!"
Mr Kahn: "It doesn't work for the metric system...skilometers?"

Miss O'Leary is rambling on, and I get tapped on the shoulder..
Tina: "I think she's semi-incompetent."

Mr Kahn: "...but they hadn't invented cars yet when I was young."
Keane: "Had they invented horses?"

Mr Kahn: "My old girlfriend from college e-mailed me."
Keane: "Was she looking for play?"

Keane was being annoying (as usual)...
Mr Kahn: "Let me breathe on you."
Class, in unison: "What??"
Mr Kahn: "I'm sick!"

Mr Kahn does an outrageous problem, and it takes an hour to do...
Random person: "This is so long, why are we doing this??"
Mr Kahn: "You did this already!! This is the definition of 'e' you ding dongs!!"

Mr. Kahn: "Tom, I saw your sister over the weekend."
Tom Mandler: "Yeah, she told me. At the restaurant, right?"
Mr Kahn: "Yeah, I said to her, 'What are you doing out in Northport?' "
Me: "Oh, where in Northport?"
Bill Shea: "Here we go, she's going to pull out her mental map of northport here."

talking about Ward Melville High School..
Andrea Wolf: "What a weird name for a high school."
Me: "Umm, it was the name of some guy, like William Floyd."
Andrea: "oh...ok."

Trent was being annoying in French...
Carrina Burke: "Someone forgot to take their pill today!"

leaving Pizza Hut..
Mike Martucci: "Come to Shiz's."
John: "I can't, I have to pack."
Mike: "Pack?? For what?!"
John: "GREENKILL, mothafucka!"
Mike: "Oh, you mean the gay loser trip?"
..they start fighting, Mike gets poked in the eye...
Mike: "That's my good seeing eye!!"

While taking a math contest..
Random person: "What's this extra paper for?"
Mrs Schmitt: "It's called scrap paper!"
Dan Friedman: "No, it's for the essay."

"Those of you who have read along will do well on the test. For those of you who have been counting the bricks in the wall, well, I hope you're happy with the number you came up with." - Miss Massaro

Me: "I wonder why Long Island is such a breeding grounds for emo."
Matt Sacco: "I guess we just have an abundance of spoiled, whiny bitches here."

Mike Randazzo is late to class every day because he's making out with his girlfriend...while watching 2 people kiss in the movie Cinema Paradiso in Italian..
Class: "Ewww...this is inappropriate!....turn this off!"
Ms. Riccoboni: "Oh stop it! You see that every day in the halls!" [looks at Mike]
Tristan, pointing at TV: "At least he doesn't have his tongue in her esophagus!!"

Still watching Cinema Paradiso...keep in mind this is an Italian movie...there are fireworks in the background...
Random person: "Is it the 4th of July?"

After watching Cin. Par...
Ms Riccoboni: "The director made an alternate ending to this movie."
Bill Young: "So now I have to get it on DVD."

at the french honor society bake sale..
Me: "Schirano! Buy a pastry to support the french honor society!"
Mike: "The last thing I need is a croissant." [pats stomach]

Ghetto kid: "Wait you fucker!"
Me: "Watch your language!"
Janitor: "That'll be the only way he passes english."

as James Yu is doing backflips after the blood drive...
James: "I'm dizzy."
Bill Edwards: "Yeah, that's not on the list of recommended things to do after giving blood."

Molly Sweeney: "Condoleeza Rice, what a weird name."
Me: "Her family was very musical, and 'con dolceza' means 'with sweetness,' so they named her that."
Molly: "Oh that's cool."
Kerin Haley: "Wait, who are you talking about? Is she in our school?"

in french..
Trent Olson: "Let's play a game! Guys vs. girls! I go first!"
Leslie Martin: For the guys or the girls?"

Kieran Mallamo, across the library: "Veronica's going to bear my children!"
Kara Ryan: "You guys are going to have the skinniest little fucks.."

Tom Mandler: "blahblahblah...screw them!"
Mr Kahn: "Excuse me?? You mean simple machine them!"

before watching Life is Beautiful..
Ms Riccoboni: "The main character of this movie is Guido."
Mike Martucci: "Guido?! That's like naming someone 'Drunken Mick' 'Drunken Mick' Welsh."

a little old lunch lady is knocking on the cafeteria's kitchen door..
Lady: "Ugh, these space cadets locked me out again!"

pulling into a parking lot..
Mrs Kremer: "PJ! Don't park so tightly!"
Paul: "Mom, once you've parked at the high school, you look at a mailbox with its door hanging down and you say, 'I can back into it.' "

at Rico's treehouse party we needed to get a hand stamped to the blackjack table, a moth lands and Greg Seidell kills it..
Me: "Why did you kill it!? It didn't hurt anyone!!"
Greg: "He didn't have his hand stamped!!"

Chelsea: "Why would you smoke cloves! They're so bad for you!"
Greg Krauss: "Because they taste good!"
Chelsea: "So does ice cream, but that doesn't give you cancer!!"

referring to another quote..
Kieran, at Rico's: "Veronica's going to bear my children!"
Tom O'Donnell: "Don't you know that Veronica's the 'Untouchable Virgin'?"

NOTE: I typed up the following 16 quotes March 25th... the day the quotes page stopped working.
as I'm parking my car on the street, my neighbors are walking their dogs..
Me: "Hey Bob, Hey Kathy."
Bob: "Holy shit! You're driving already?!"
Kathy: "Holy shit! How old are we?!"

"So who woke up smelling like bacon this morning?" - Ronnie after Rico's treehouse party with the campfire

Ms Riccoboni: "2nd languages are very useful, I've helped many people who speak spanish."
Sal Dazzo: "You speak spanish?! I thought you spoke italian! What've we been learning here?!"

"Do you listen to Afroman?" - Brian Kean to Mr Kahn in the middle of calculus

Dad, at dinner: "I went to school with a guy who was a heroin addict. Years later he needed a job, so where did he start working?"
All of us: "where..?"
Dad: "The post office of course!!"

Mr. Kahn: "...and what's the formula for the area of a triangle?"
Chelsea: "One half bh"
Mr. Kahn: "What's the other formula? With the angle?"
Class: "uhhhhhh...."
Bill Shea: "bh over 2??"

Tom Mandler was looking out the window in calc..
Mr Kahn: "You were in your sandbox just then. You had your pail and yoru shovel, and you were a happy camper."

Miss O'Leary: "Imagine how much money you could make if you could predict the weather."
Christina D'Espo.: "I thought we had those things call meteorologists who came on the news and told us about the weather for the next week.."

After Brian Keane won "Most Likely to Fall Asleep in Class" and "Most Likely to be Late for Graduation" at the Senior Banquet..
Tom O'Donnell: "Who said smoking pot couldn't get you anything??"

These are from our trip to NYC to see Glassjaw and play in Toys R Us in March...
In Toys R Us there was a giant dinosaur...
John, said like Brian Fellow: "That dinosaur's got big quadriceps from standing there so long, and he's got like a 48 pack or somethin."
Mike Martucci: "No John, those are scales."

After we get a flat tire..
Dad: "OK, so who's the strongest here?"
Andrew Rohkohl: "Not me, I'm too emo."

after Mike gets the lug nuts off..
Mike, said like Brian Fellow: "Man, you guys are lucky I'm here, you'd just be sitting around crying about it."

as the New Amsterdams are playing in the car ride home..
Dad: "I'm going to slit my wrists from listening to this."

Keeping with the emo theme..
"The only way I could be more emo would be if I slit my wrists, let the wounds heal, rolled up my sleeves, and let everyone see the scars." - Martucci

in the car..
Dad: "Look, those guys are holding hands."
Andrew, pointing: "GAY!!....GAY!!....GAY!!..."

still in the car...
Ryan Pulito: "I looooove black people. Oh wait, that's hot pockets."
long pause...
Matt Walsh: "Both taste good after two minutes in the microwave."

talking about a kid who saved a rat at school..
Me: "I think his name is Solomon something."
Bill Shea, pointing to the yearbook: "Look him up."
Me: "OK........yeah his name is Solomon Steiner."
Bill: "Y'think he's jewish? Just a little bit?"

John never touches or acknowledges Brook (my dog)...
Dad: "John, did you notice that the dog got a hair cut?"
John: "We have a dog?"

"Guys let's have a Bar Mitzvah!" - Kristen Ces as we're loitering in Huntington Village

as Martucci, John, and my Dad are watching the news..
Dad: "Look at this kid, he's like 12 years old and he's already been nominated for the Nobel Prize twice, and my kids are just sitting around hanging out with Martucci."

as Martucci comes to the house..
Dad: "I like you Martucci, you sell my kids their drugs for cheap."
Mike: "WHAT?!"

John Mulhern: "I don't tan, I'm an Irish motherf*cker!"

Martucci: "Hey Mr Welsh, say a token funny line."
Dad: "I can't say it in front of the kids....where are you guys going?"
Everyone: "I don't know."
Dad: "....did you bring the papers?"

Martucci, after telling me the story: "Make a page for me and your dad because every time I see him he says something funny."

Chris Born: "Do you know who [10th grade girl who stalks me] is?"
Me: "No, but I can ask my brother about her."

later on...
Me: "John, do you know [random girl who stalks Chris Born]?"
John: "Yes, she SUCKS."
Me: "OK thanks."

talking about how Smithtown needs a place where people can go without getting fined or forced to buy expensive coffee...
Me: "We should just buy the old Waldbaum's. Of course that would cost tons of money, but it's a thought."
Varin: "Haha, get everyone in starbucks to pitch in $5, we should get around.... 4.5 million dollars...then we can purchase Smithtown and Montana. Montana is just for shits and giggles, but we'll hang out in Smithtown."
Me: "We need a satellite anyway."
Varin: "Yeah, in case we want to invade Canada, we'd need 2 points of attack."

after reading the quotes page..
Jeff Kanter: "I seriously think it's so cool how your quotes page can make me laugh out loud, just because I can envision them being said in my head...and by the way, can you please invite me over sometime to chill with your dad. You don't even have to be home, John neither."

Andrew S after coming to me asking if I can take the Sequential III regents for him....
sochax92 (8:55:28 PM): insted of studying i read your quotes page, and every person in it is in like AP ot claculus ( see i cant even spell it) or somethin smart related to school and there is SOCHAX and SVEDA!!!!! ohhh yeaaaa

on the way to the Yankee/Met game..
Nina Cioni: "My dad has a V12 Mercedes blahblahblah."
conversation ensues and then ends, at least 7 minutes after the end...
Pete Anselmo: "V12, huh?"
Varin and Me: "PETE!!!"
after the game on the way home..
Pete: "Is that V12 standard?"
Var and Me, again: "PETE!! That conversation ended like 4 hours ago!!"

at the Yankee/Met game...
Yankee fans: "Let's go Yankees!" (rhythmic clapping)
Met fans, during the clapping: "Yankees SUCK!"

there was a Boston Red Sox fan in the crowd and the Yankee fans had been cheering against him by yelling "1918!"...much later in the game, around the 8th inning..
Drunk Yankee fan: "Let's Go Yankees!....[pointing to met fans] METS SUCK, [pointing to the boston fan] BOSTON SUCKS, 1918!!"

yes we talk online sometimes, no comments please...
VWyanks51 (12:59:05 AM): you are so emo it hurts
atxnaturesxmercy (12:59:27 AM): ::pulls razor out of artery:: what was that? i couldnt hear you over the sound of my life ending

while watching Pulp Fiction in Chuck's basement..
Pete: "There's a frog on my shorts."

"[He] thinks that Mineral is something you learn about in earth science, and that Sunny Day Real Estate sells houses in California, and that Desaparecidos is a guntoting cowboy group in New Mexico." - John

"I'm gonna get a shirt that I wear when I'm with John. It's going to say "I'm with Poodle." - Martucci

as I walk in the back door, John's on the computer..
John: "Did you go tanning?"
Me: "Yes."
John: "I hate you."

way back at my birthday "party," I was given a doll of a black John is stroking it..
Kristen Ces: "John! That's gross!"
John: "What!!"
Tristan: "Old enough to count, old enough to mount."
All: "TRISTAN!!!"

Bill Shea: "Are you drinking [at the grad house]?"
Me: "I don't know yet."
Bill: "DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!! ... peer can: change the subject, give the cold shoulder, broken record, or just give in. Alright DARE!"

while walking out of Cioni's house to go to Starbucks to meet the prom bus..
Paul: "Hey Mack, how do you get to Starbucks? Take Emo Road...?"
Ryan Mack: "Emo Road to Controversy Drive."
Paul: "By Punk Rock High School?"
Ryan: "Yeah. If you hit Thug Lane you've gone too far."
Paul: "Near the Wendy's.."

the next 20 or so quotes are from when 40 emo kids shared a house out east for 4 days...
"This water is really soothing my urinary tract. Sorry if I pee." - Kristen Ces in the hot tub

Bill Sweeney: "Is it lightning and thundering?"
Erika VS: "Yeah"
Jeff Kanter: "Everybody in the pool!"

As Frank and Dustin are running around the house screaming "FIRE!!!" and banging on the doors to wake everyone up...
Kristen, as she sits up: "Our friends are fucking insane. First of all, they're running around the house screaming FIRE, and second of all, why would they run upstairs during a fire anyway?!?!"

After I had proclaimed that the cold water at the beach made my nipples hard enough to cut glass...
Ronnie: "We should make a trophy for the beer pong tournament out of a bottle and carve our names into it."
Rico: "Veronica could fashion it with her nipples."

While in the water..
Ronnie: "Did anyone bring a shovel? I want to dig a giant hole."
Bill Shea: "In the water?!"

"You guys want some beer??" - Ronnie to some kids we played football with at the beach

the kids were holding a bathing suit top..
B.Shea: "Hey, whoa, whose bra is that??"
Ronnie: "Mommy's."

"This water is so hot, we could cook the pasta in here." - KCes in the hot tub

"Sucks that he died of gay." - Martucci while listening to Bohemian Rhapsody

In the Dono Van we were singing along to Green Day's "Good Riddance"..
Billie Joe Armstrong: "It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right.."
Sweeney, to the song: "We never found out who was Rife."

"Oh boy! . . . Its raining!" - a hungover Bill Shea

"We need Wee-Wee See." - Smith while looking at the pool and hot tub

"I can sell this stuff on ebay for oOo qtips!" - Francis and his ADD while looking at Kelly's bags of jewelry and qtips.

"I think my penis just turned into a vagina." - Jeff Kanter in the freezing cold ocean water

Chuck twitches in his sleep...while sharing a bed with Kristen, he twitches...
Kristen: "CHUCK!"
Chuck: "Oh man, I was having this dream that I was playing ping pong, and I actually moved my hand to hit the ball."
Kristen: "Oh. Good Chuck."
he goes back to sleep and starts twitching again 5 minutes later.
Kristen: "Chuck!"
Chuck: "Sorry. Rosey pushed me down the stairs in that one."
he goes back to sleep and twitches for a third time.
Kristen: "CHUCK!"
Chuck: "Hold on, I'll pass you the ball in a second........wait, what the fuck did I just say?!

In the pouring rain, Smith is driving..
Matt: "We're gonna die on the way home. Put on your seat belts."

"Rosenberg, from the Hebrew rosenberg, verb intransitive. To puke on the wall with little or no provocation. Example: My friend Matt Rosenberged on the wall.

Gardaphe, from Latin guarda fe. to puke in secrecy and shame for several hours. Example: Rico went to Gardaphe in the bathroom and no one saw him for hours.

Madarasz, origin unknown. verb transitive, to puke on one's significant other because he/she puked. Example: Poor Dustin, Lisa Madaraszed on his back in the bathroom." - Paul Krem at his very best

"to duddy: to throw up until you pop a blood vessel in your eye" - Ryan McNamara

"Special thanks to Emily "I like to clean up vomit" Heinegg for cleaning up all the vomit this week." - Kremer

Erika: "I'm not drinking again for the rest of the summer."
Kelly: "I'm not drinking again for the rest of the week."

while playing beer pong, there are four cups left...
Paul: "Scrip, what's the best part about Nicole Rowland?"
Lauren Scripture: ::points to chest::

As Dustin is puking his brains out...
B.Sweens walks in and points to Duddy...
"You're dead."
..walks out..

"Today the other guys were in Victoria's Secret looking at the underwear, and Csorny was in Kay Bee buying water guns." - Mrs Kremer

"You guys are the best 40 emo kids ever." - Bill Shea on the way out

"I can feel the cavities forming." - Kristen while eating cinnabon

Dad: "I was talking to someone today who said that you can use your languages for international banking."
Me: "Dad, I'm going to be a teacher, and that's that."
Dad: "OK OK OK....[long pause].....what's John going to do? Major in remote control? Minor in couch? Or study emo?"

Note: Dad no longer works at the Smithtown Post Office, but at the St James Post Office..
Mom: "Jim, how come we didn't get a Smithtown Rec book this year?"
Dad: "Smithtown Post Office, they suck."

"I don't like his voice. It makes me want to stuff eggplant parmesan into my ears." - Francis on Coheed & Cambria

Me: "Don't be emo!"
Agata: "Easier said than done. We live in Smithtown."

while on the computers..
John: "You're going to Plati's?"
Me: "Yeah."
John: "Can you pick me up? I live down the hall."

before prom..
"The cocktail hour should be renamed the nap hour, and everyone should get a little cot to sleep on." - Varin

"I wish our friends didn't have contageous ADD because then we would be able to watch movies." - Varin

Me: "I'm having people over tonight, come over."
Kanter: "I might stop by, Ilana is coming over to help me clean my room in a few."

"Just wanted to inform you that you've been officially moved from "xc crew" to "blue hens" [on my buddy list]." - Marcia Holst

After I complained about my mom's rambling..
brinstar017 (1:26:32 AM): think about other things and pretend to listen
brinstar017 (1:26:45 AM): like flowers in the meadow and bunnies.
brinstar017 (1:27:12 AM): okay brb while i hang myself for just saying that.

" 'Bears Football Brought to you by Bank One Located Within the Proximity of Chicago, Illinois, USA.' Try and fit that on a baseball hat." - Rob Mercurio after learning about the Chicago Bears' new name

"My closet is sooo empty, I really must wear the same 5 shirts in rotation. It's in such a pattern too. I have my Monday shirt, a Friday shirt, Wednesdays are always the same, and then every now and then I change it up on Saturdays." - Nina

"Know what we should do? Take 3 $20 bills, number them, and then they just go around in a circle with whoever's graduation party is when. We all break even in the end anyway." - Tina

"Come rub my back." - Mike Trotta from Rhode Island

talking about my computer science prof and how he laughs at his inaudible jokes..
Matt Paster: "You should light a bag of shit on fire and throw it at him laugh at that...sorry, I just did multivariable calculus for like 2 hours...I used up all my smart brain cells and am now left with comments like that."

after the Straylight Run show..
John: "So then I was like 'Michelle Nolan, you wanna go have sex?" and she was like "Can't, I gotta go be awesome on piano and singing." and then I was like "Oh, that's cool, I'll stand up against the stage and stare at you because you're like 10 feet away from me." and she was like "Sounds like a plan."

Wolf427092 (1:59:29 AM): <-----drunk
Auto response from VWyanks51 (1:59:39 AM): out
Wolf427092 (1:59:44 AM): <------drizunk
Wolf427092 (1:59:51 AM): just thought you should be notified hehe

Varin: "The walk to my classes is like 17 blocks, I will never gain the freshman 15."
Me: "That's awesome."
Varin: "That's terrible! I need the freshman 15...I need the freshman 45!"

"I had a dream last night that Mike Ciancio ripped all of my posters down, and instead of paying me for them, he gave me jesus christ and Nick Lachey puppets." - KCes

Afro runner 400 (5:27:49 PM): u should be drunk u emo piece of poop
Auto response from VWyanks51 (5:27:51 PM): out

jaw787 is my dad
mckracken89 is tristan....

JAW787: are you online...
McKracken89: thats a funny story
JAW787: ten guesses as to who this is...
JAW787: go
McKracken89: the famed killer shark of "jaws" fame
JAW787: no
JAW787: that was question #1...
JAW787: you got nine more
JAW787: c'mon tristan i don't have all night
McKracken89: do you have a commercial airlines pilot license
JAW787: no
JAW787: eight more
JAW787: man, are you this slow on the field
McKracken89: actually i timed surprisingly well on my 40 yd time
McKracken89: but anyway
McKracken89: you from LI
JAW787: yes, seven more
McKracken89: do you like men
JAW787: no, six more
McKracken89: so either you're a guy or a horrible lesbian
JAW787: do you want that to be a question?
McKracken89: haha no
JAW787: six more
JAW787: then i'll tell you
McKracken89: you 18
JAW787: no, five more
McKracken89: play a sport
JAW787: no, four more
McKracken89: still in high school
JAW787: no
JAW787: three more
JAW787: man, you suck at twenty questions
JAW787: even tho this is ten
McKracken89: are you a dirty 65 yr old asian man intent on raping me
JAW787: no, two more
McKracken89: do you like vanilla ice cream
JAW787: not my favorite, one more
JAW787: i have the feeling you're not going to get this...
McKracken89: are naked philipino men a turn on to you?
JAW787: no, no more
McKracken89: damn i suck
JAW787: It's Mr. Welsh you little come you're not out partying like every other respectable freshman????
JAW787: How are you doing? Man, I miss all you guys running around here....
McKracken89: hahaha
McKracken89: i have curfew
JAW787: what does that mean? you have the bottle under the bed?
McKracken89: haha...i cant drink, im an athlete
JAW787: how is it...i mean everything, classes, are you doing with it all?
McKracken89: im having a great time, ive been here since august 15th
McKracken89: we had 2 weeks of pre season
JAW787: outstanding...alright I am going to say goodnight so you can hang with your real friends....
JAW787: or 65 asian men looking....
JAW787: later....
McKracken89: take care
JAW787: write to Mr & Mrs V Dubbs once in a
JAW787: goodnight...
McKracken89: if i ever get a football write up ill let v know or email you guys

McKracken89: i have to confess as much as i hated the actual high school part of high school life, i miss back home...please have mrs welsh send me some chili dip, and there's a gettysburg democrat club on campus, when i saw the poster i was like, hey thats cool, and then "hey mr welsh"

"The boys are getting drunk on champagne in Andrew's [Canedo] room because that's the only booze we have." - O'Donnell

O'Donnell: "I've definitely redeveloped callouses on my thumbs from playing that goddamned nintendo."
Me:"That's awesome."
Tom: "Yeah we all got really frustrated trying to beat one guy in mortal kombat that we nearly punched through the TV, and Mcnerney tried to eat the controller."

this is Alec Berntson..
big al 4350 (12:25:44 AM): **gasp!!**
auto response from VWyanks51 (12:25:44): sleep :)
i dropped computer science today, and i couldn't be happier...
big al 4350 (12:26:02): i have 3 computer sceince classes, and i couldn't be happier!!

Evan Van Nostrand: "[Hurricane Isabel] is supposed to be HUGE."
Me: "Yeah I heard it's gonna be a doozy."
Evan: "We can go surfing on the sound."

this was back in July..
"I really really dont want a horny girl [as my roommate]. I don't mind the occasional "can I have the room tonight" but other than that no way. Like if a boyfriend is coming over that's one thing, if the entire freshman class is that's another." - Jacqui Gierer

Jeff: "How are your classes going?"
Me: "Awesome now that I dropped computer science."
Jeff: "It sucked?"
Me: "Yeah, it said in the course book that you need no prior knowledge of compu sci but the teacher expected you to."
Jeff: "Sucks. That's like my keyboard harmony BEGINNER course in which I'm apparently supposed to know how to play already... so I slapped my teacher across the face."

Me: "Noooo why did you get your hair cut?"
John: "Because it got so annoying. If I took a shower before I went to bed I'd wake up and it'd be one giant cowlick that wouldn't stop cowlicking."

John: "Yo I got some fly biddies in 10th grade who want me. ::pause::..that's a lie. But you know ***** *****? His sister seems pretty cool."
Me: "His mom was my lunch aide in 4th grade."
John: "That means me and his sister are meant to be together."

"I totally abuse the draw funcion on my calculator. I made a picture of me shooting Miss Walsh, me burning the school down, me as a pimp, and me kicking Zach in the face...and everything's labeled. The labels are "me," "ho," "ho," "ultra sweet pimp hat," and then "Zach" and "John totally kung fu kicking Zach in the face," and I have a nina hat on. The fire one has "me," "match, "gas can," "fire," "school." - John

Me: "Supposedly Hurricane Isabel is gonna be a doozy. I hope classes are cancelled Friday."
John: "Sucks you're gonna die before I do."

after I sent my family a Rosh Hashanah card..
Me: "Did you see my card."
John: "Yeah, that was antisemiteriffic."

"I can't say nigger here and I hate it." - Kristen on Baltimore

"I think that Siddhartha Gautama was the first emo kid. Think about it: Life is suffering and pain, and pain is caused by desire for something you can't have. Isn't that the basis of every emo song ever??" - Tom O'Donnell

while the link to my livejournal in my profile read "hot butt explosion," which was my nametag at a frisbee house party...
Tristan: "After looking at your link to the LJ numerous times, I don't even want to verbalize what comes to my mind when I read 'hot butt explosion.' "

auto response from Afro runner 400: (1:01:41 PM): at least i didnt fall down the stairs last night

about the Rosh Hashanah card I sent to Varin...
Varin: "That is one of the funniest things ever."
Me: "I saw them and thought, 'I need to send these to my favorite gentiles.' I should've gotten like 40 and sent them to everyone, but I only got 8."
Varin: "Well then I feel honored that you remembered me on the most sacred of our holy days."


"Chem bent me over and raped me with its fist." - Ronnie

Dad on my filling out a scholarship form..
"PLEASE do this right away. I cant afford milk"

"This whole 'paying for consumer products' is not too appealing to me." - Mike Ciardullo, the typical poor college student

"I've been hearing so much shit in the past two hours that I might burn Pedro like a witch in Salem." - Dan Clayton, who attends school near Boston

"Asian babies are so cute. Sucks they have to grow up and live." -Kces

Me: "How's your penis situation going?"
Chelsea: "That can be interpreted in many different ways. 'Well V, they say the operation will be very safe...' "

After I dropped computer science...
Me: "I might pick up an Italian class."
Dad: "What about work study?"
Me: "Oh, I should look into that."
Dad: "If it (work) was absolutely impossible (interfering with the keg parties) then I could contact whoever and see if we can get out of it..."

Dad: "Did you hear about Mack's number 4?"
Me: "No."
Dad: "He says he was so drunk that he kept telling someone that they looked exactly like the number 4."

Before I was supposed to go talk to a financial aid person..
Dad: "Milk them matter what they say, you say, 'oh, I know my father can't pay that much.' Look hungry. Don't wear nice clothes. Crawl. Beg."

a perfect verse (2:36:50 AM): veroni caaaaaaaaa
a perfect verse (2:37:05 AM): i lv eyou!
a perfect verse (2:37:08 AM): ok.
a perfect verse (2:37:10 AM): four days
a perfect verse (2:37:13 AM): ? i thingk
a perfect verse (2:37:17 AM): gooodnigh5r
a perfect verse (2:37:18 AM): !
....enough said

after I complain to Kces about some girl...
Kces: "Don't worry, she has a wide face."

"I miss the puke in my birkentstock." - Kces referring to the FFF sleep over

On Tina's buddy list Kces was marked as "away" but still talking in a chat room...
Tina: "Whoa Kristen, how are you away and talking?"
Kristen: "Easy, Tina. I just deleted all of my mp3s and word documents and then I was allowed to talk and have an away message up. It's a deal AIM has with Microsoft."

in the FFF chat...
Kristen talking about thanksgiving break: "Guys I'm not getting home until Thursday afternoon."
All: "fjsdklfjsdf!! What!!! Why?!?!!"
Kristen: "Guys you HAVE to stop falling for these jokes of mine. Even my roommates don't fall for them anymore."

Kelly: "If my roommate doesn't stop crying I'm going to slap her."
Kristen: "Tell her to just commit suicide and get it over with. Hand her the noose for christ's sake."

"I almost flipped out on this paraplegic girl in a wheelchair the other day because she was riding right in the middle of the fucking bridge and I couldn't get by. I was like 'all right wheely, get the fuck out of the way.' I can't help it if I walk like a fast New Yorker. I don't have time for paraplegics." - Kristen

"Guys, someone just here got!" - Francis Plati butchering the english language

"He'd be like.. 'hey I'm a junior but I'm ugly and can't get ass. but, you're in 8th grade so I guess that's good enough. Wanna fuck?' " - Kristen on someone's older brother

"I thought I saw [girl from elementary school] in a museum the other day. We kept making eye contact so I was thinking, "ok, either this girl's a lesbo, or she's Vicki...or both." - Kristen Ces

"You live in the house 18 years, you're gone one month, and Mom buys count chocula cereal. If I could record a sound and send it to you, it'd be 'OH DEAR SWEET JESUS DON'T STOP' because it's gonna orgasm in my mouth" - John

I told Matt Nissenbaum that my dad told all my friends to transfer to NYU...
Matt: "Yeah, transfer to NYU - and become gay, non-athletic, poor, or a combination of the three!"

Me: "Are you going to the Brand New show?"
Ronnie: "No, I'll just have wild hot sex with my girlfriend instead."
Me: "You guys have sex?!?!?
Ronnie: "No but it sounded better than 'make out softly with my mom standing in the kitchen'."

Me: "We should all go to the parade...CAN WE PLEASE?!"
Tina: "Parade ... Thanksgiving? .... duh ... fucking idiot."

when I had mono...Hulk had mono the month before I did...
Me: "Hopefully it will go away soon, I'm drinking like 3 liters of water a day and taking vitamins and eating fruit like it's my job."
Varin: "That way when we go home for thanksgiving we can make out.. I would no longer have to worry about getting mono."
Me: "SWEET."
Varin: "I was a little hesitant about making out with Hulk when I got back for homecoming, but he persuaded me with a wink and smile."

At the treehouse party, Jimmy is tending to the fire...
Csorny: "That fire is spreading like wildfire!!"

Varin: "I hear alcohol cures mono."
Me: "Indeed, that's what everyone tells me."
Varin: "...and quickies."

"Last night was pretty cool. With the exception of the Smithtown kids and maybe 1/200 of the people I saw, everyone was hideous. Now I know why they're all emo." - Tristan after the Brand New show

at the tree house party, both are drunk, and Frank falls...
LeGoff: "Come on Frank, time to get up."
Frank: "No I don't wanna.... hey can I kiss you LeGoff?"

"I wanna start a frat...sigma tao delta." - Chris Born (..think about what the English letters are)

NOTE: I found this in an old word document of quotes I had - if anyone knows who said this, please IM me...
person A: "I love making fun of emo."
person B: "It's the best punching bag since Vanilla Ice."

I had in my livejournal "download the song Christmas in Hollis by Run DMC because it's my dad's 'favorite' Christmas carol..
"I just downloaded Christmas in Hollis. We have to have a talk with your dad...more like an intervention. Nothing captures the Christmas spirit quite like 'It's Christmas time in Hollis, Queens. Mom's cooking chicken and collared greens.' No wonder why Run DMC isn't around anymore. Santa heard that song, got pissed, and never took them off the naughty list." - Joe Volpe

mu empire x (11:35:24 AM):<3<3
mu empire x (11:35:33 AM): it just came on


Chelsea's Quote Page

Jennalise Vescovo's Quote Page

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