Long Island Barbies

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Mattel recently announced the release of Limited Edition Barbie dolls for the Suffolk County, Long Island market: 
Patchogue Barbie- This Modern Day Retro-Barbie comes with two teeth, acid washed jeans, leg warmers, white Reeboks, feathered hair and a double ring belt (yes it is 2004).  She also comes with Ken, her brother/boyfriend, complete with house arrest bracelet and Dodge Neon. Parole Officer sold separately.
Brentwood Barbie- This Barbie comes with hoop earrings, hair weave,
food stamps, a bus pass, a search warrant, and a court date. She also comes with three babies and three different Ken's (Baby Daddies). Each Ken comes with his own bag of weed. (sold separately and on a street corner.)
Wyandanch Barbie - This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and four baby Barbies in  the back seat (no car seats). The optional Ken doll comes with a paint-bucket lunch pail and is missing three fingers on his left hand.  Green cards are not available for Wyandanch Barbie or Ken.
Nissequogue / Bell Terre Barbie- This princess Barbie is only sold at Saks Fifth Avenue.  She comes with an assortment of Coach handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired dog named Honey, and a 3500-square foot house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.
Selden Barbie- This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone included, headset sold separately.
Hampton Bays Barbie - This recently paroled former "Porn Actress" Barbie comes with a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a meth-lab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in  cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop. Then we don't know what you are talking about.
Setauket Barbie - This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW
convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card, and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.
Riverhead Barbie - This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and a Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set.  She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
Port Jefferson Barbie - This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard print bikini outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining
friends at the McMansion. Percocet prescription available.
Ronkonkoma Barbie - This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Bristol Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter top. Also available with a mobile home.
Huntington Barbie - This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow."   She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Huntington Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.
Deer Park Barbie - This Italian Princess Barbie comes with teased black
hair, 12 gold chains, 7 gold bracelets, 8 rings and 1 ankle bracelet.
Included are a permanently attached cell phone and a black Monte Carlo with ILUVTONY license plates. The accompanying Ken doll has been replaced with a black haired Tony doll with hairy chest and gel/hairdryer kit.
Best Regards,
Frank J. DiMaggio
Vice President/Mgr of Sales
IVEK Corporation